Cookin' With Poppin' Fresh Goes Wrong!!

since my human has gone awol, i thought i would share with all of you some of my daily activities.

normally i don't mind him on the occassional commercial but then the human brought him home to live here. lord, someone help me!!! poppin' fresh thought it might be nice if we made breakfast. all that "hee-hee" was about to drive me nuts, so i did what any goat would do. i shut him up!! now look, i tried to have a conversation with this guy. "hey doughman, got any kids?" doughman says, "hee-hee". he continued to say "hee-hee" to every bloody question i asked him! i had to make it stop!! someone, PLEASE, make it stop!!!! so i jumped him, held the knife to his throat, and told him if he didn't shut his dough-hole i'd shut it for him!! his response, HEE-FREAKIN-HEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! aaaaaagggggghhhhhh!!!
so along comes that peace lovin', tree huggin', hippy bonehead, antonio. i know, i know, iknow. i didn't think it could get any worse either. antonio says, "hey, dude, make love, not war. nothing is worth all this fighting except maybe saving the earth." well i didn't waste anytime shutting his fur-hole either. then there was this big brawl in the kitchen. somehow "doughbutt" ended up head first in the grease and lost an eye. boy was the human mad! it wasn't my fault. what do you expect when you bring home some loony from the flea market!! he's nuts i tell ya. had he just kept his mouth shut none of it would have happened!

gerald the majestic goat

STUPID HUMAN!!!!!!

i'm angry!!!! my stupid human has not let me be on the computer cause she's tooooooooo busy to help me! she owes me! i've been here through everything and this is how she repays me. i have found a solution. honestly i can't believe i hadn't thought of it sooner. with a paintbrush in my mouth i can press keys; most importantly type.........in.........humans.........passwords......hahahahahahahaha...............hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha........i am so bloody brilliant!!!!!! no stopping me now!!!

gerald the very clever but slow goat

It's Not a Sand Box, It's a Corn Box!

sure they're having fun, but they forgot me. she promised i could go. she forgot the stroller too so i hope she had to carry the baby the whole time. anyway this corn box was at a pumpkin patch in kansas. it seemed to be everyones favorite thing to do.

gerald the forgotten goat

Masculinity is Bad For You!

according to a time magazine article about stay-at-home dads (aka- i don't want to work), aaron rochlen, an associate professor at the university of texas, says "masculinity is bad for you." good news for men everywhere, right? now all you she-men can get out your pretty dress up clothes, watch the little mermaid, and dream about your man-princess. CREEPY!!!! now don't get me wrong here, i think fathers are a very important figure in a childs life. i don't think dad needs to stop being the bread winner. yeah i know women, "i'm a nothing without my precious career" but men need to wear the pants. it reminds me of a sliders episode. you know the one, hillary is president and the women run everything. i'd tell you the season and episode number but i'm too busy to look. anyway i can't see anything wrong with me killing dinner, drinking strong manly beer, and reminding my wife of her place from time to time. i am MAN after all. we aren't equal; just watch the olympics, and man care can never replace the mom care, unless of course mommy's a crack whore. when men start having the babies maybe we'll talk. masculinity bad...what a bunch of crap!

gerald the manly goat

she-man wants to know if he looks fat in that dress

Wal-Mart Employee Pisses Off Our Human

it happened at the checkout. the cashier was sort of friendly at first, which around here can be a miracle. then she turned evil, very evil. the cashier asked humans young daughter what school she went to. daughter said happily "i'm homeschooled". cashier replied, now listen closely, "don't you want to go to school with other kids?". WHAT THE ****!!!!!!!!!! human bit tongue so hard it nearly bled. i started jumping around in cart screaming "hit her, yell at her, tell her to mind her damn business!!! let me at her. i'll straighten her out! let's box evil lady!" my human gave me the look so i shut up but i wasn't happy. my human explained to me that sometimes it's better to just be quiet. of course the cashier got the look too but i still would have said something.

gerald the angry goat

Fields Full of Meat!!!!!!!!!!

it's a dream come true! everyday when i look outside i see meat! it gets even better if you leave. fields of meat line the dirt roads!!! i'm in meat heaven! i will be getting a gallon of steak sauce. ribeye, anyone? i can smell them cooking! beautiful, yummy cow.

gerald the drooling goat

Three Modems Later........

i think we are back. no time to chat yet. after some water torture our human should remember all the important passwords to the world so we can take over again. we'll have pictures of all our new country friends. the best thing of all is the fields are full of meat.

gerald the meat eating goat