The Mountain Goats

 
                                                      john darnielle of the mountain goats

  when i was reading about the killer goat lawsuit i stumbled upon a folk rock band called the mountain goats. they do not suck, which of course is obvious based off the title of the band alone. any band called the mountain goats is sure to be fabulous. what they really need; however, is me. i dont have to sing or play an instrument, i just need to be on stage being majestic. i believe i could really boost the popularity of this band by my presence alone. i mean no offense to the john darnielle up there but he's just not very goaty or majestic. i can be majestically folky. it would be splendid!

gerald the folky majestic goat

When Goats Attack

 seems unheard of, i know. while browsing photos of the handsome species that i am, i came across a story about a goat that killed a man. this story is old and there was a lawsuit to have the goat killed. i dont think a goat should die because stupid humans insist on mixing with us. sure we can be a dangerous lot but lions, tigers and bears, oh my, are dangerous and we aren't hunting down every single one of them. the fact remains that humans are dumb and animals always pay the price. bob boardman is dead and killing my kin is not going to bring him back. the park that klahhane billy(pfft, dumb name given by humans) lived in once decided it had too many of us living there. so they flew many of us back to our  native home but were going to shoot the ones leftover because they determined flying us was too dangerous. i think perhaps humans are too dangerous. they created the goat problem and their solution to too many of us is death. i think we should be able to overrun the world. if you would like to read this story then go here... http://blogs.seattleweekly.com/dailyweekly/2011/11/lawsuit_klahhane_billy_monstro.php

gerald the anti goat killing goat
sorry this post is rather rushed, im a busy boy today

Back in White, Again

yeah, yeah, where the hell have i been. i'm not even sure. i think the human put me in a coma or something so i'd shut up. alas i am truly back. i hope. i missed my fans. i missed my friends. i will try to visit all of you over the next few days. i will also try to blog about something worthy of my greatness.

gerald the great majestic goat

Good To Be Back

yes folks, it's true, i have finally returned. see the human went completely loco cause the doc gave her some pill that is supposed to help pain. alls it did was help her cry and yell alot. she was like that for two months until she finally cracked. you should have been there. it was so funny. ah but anyway this is about me, not the mental patient. you can see from the picture above that my stunt double finally arrived. boy he sure is handsome and of the best quality. i've been having him do all sorts of exciting things to perk this blog up and i can't wait to show you all. i did have to get rid of the other stunt double. he had an accident in the kitchen. guess he fell and snapped his neck. oops. well those things happen. i will now go but don't worry im here for awhile again. i do need to catch up on all of my great friends that i have missed so very much. good to see you.

gerald the "back in black" goat

Gerald is Missing

snowy here. we can't find gerald. pereus has been outside talking to the other dogs. there are lots of crazy stories but none have produced gerald. we won't give up though. i have managed to keep that bossy frank busy with errands for the human. her daughter was just diagnosed with tourettes(she isn't one-hundred percent convinced) so things have been pretty nuts around here. it was easy to fool frank into believing the human needed him. so for the time being i have taken back control and we will find gerald.

snowy the beautiful

Stuffing Does Wonders

BEFORE

AFTER

isn't she just lovely. see what great things you can find at a thift store. i seriously think this cost the human about twenty-five cents, maybe not even that much. she wanted to make some more but can't find any patterns online. i think she is just using the wrong words. she said something about having to take it apart so she can make a pattern. i don't think that is a good idea. on the downside she spent three bucks on the stuffing and it took the whole bag! she said it's still a great deal. plus it is a sheep and can you put a price on a sheep? the human says you can. craziness, i say.

frank the "i stole the blog from gerald" sheep

STUPID HUMAN!!!!!!

i'm angry!!!! my stupid human has not let me be on the computer cause she's tooooooooo busy to help me! she owes me! i've been here through everything and this is how she repays me. i have found a solution. honestly i can't believe i hadn't thought of it sooner. with a paintbrush in my mouth i can press keys; most importantly type.........in.........humans.........passwords......hahahahahahahaha...............hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha........i am so bloody brilliant!!!!!! no stopping me now!!!

gerald the very clever but slow goat