The Mountain Goats

 
                                                      john darnielle of the mountain goats

  when i was reading about the killer goat lawsuit i stumbled upon a folk rock band called the mountain goats. they do not suck, which of course is obvious based off the title of the band alone. any band called the mountain goats is sure to be fabulous. what they really need; however, is me. i dont have to sing or play an instrument, i just need to be on stage being majestic. i believe i could really boost the popularity of this band by my presence alone. i mean no offense to the john darnielle up there but he's just not very goaty or majestic. i can be majestically folky. it would be splendid!

gerald the folky majestic goat

When Goats Attack

 seems unheard of, i know. while browsing photos of the handsome species that i am, i came across a story about a goat that killed a man. this story is old and there was a lawsuit to have the goat killed. i dont think a goat should die because stupid humans insist on mixing with us. sure we can be a dangerous lot but lions, tigers and bears, oh my, are dangerous and we aren't hunting down every single one of them. the fact remains that humans are dumb and animals always pay the price. bob boardman is dead and killing my kin is not going to bring him back. the park that klahhane billy(pfft, dumb name given by humans) lived in once decided it had too many of us living there. so they flew many of us back to our  native home but were going to shoot the ones leftover because they determined flying us was too dangerous. i think perhaps humans are too dangerous. they created the goat problem and their solution to too many of us is death. i think we should be able to overrun the world. if you would like to read this story then go here... http://blogs.seattleweekly.com/dailyweekly/2011/11/lawsuit_klahhane_billy_monstro.php

gerald the anti goat killing goat
sorry this post is rather rushed, im a busy boy today

Back in White, Again

yeah, yeah, where the hell have i been. i'm not even sure. i think the human put me in a coma or something so i'd shut up. alas i am truly back. i hope. i missed my fans. i missed my friends. i will try to visit all of you over the next few days. i will also try to blog about something worthy of my greatness.

gerald the great majestic goat

Fiber, A Wooly Epidemic

first the human wanted to spin wool. then for some reason she wanted to try needle felting. now there is fiber showing up here almost daily it seems. first off she ordered colored fiber. then she learned how to take care of raw fiber. discovering this saves her money she buys it raw. this is where things went wrong. she likes, no she loves, this stuff in its natural state. she says you can't reproduce this beauty. so now there is all this raw wool around the place. i can't take two steps without running into a box or baggie of this stuff. now im all for hobbies but collecting animal hair is a bit weird. next it will be human hair, then human parts. i really don't know what to do about her. she needle felted a SHEEP on a t-shirt!!! she said she didn't do a goat cause it was a test thing and sheep are quick. like i believe that. she hasn't felted any goats but there are little sheep bodies in her "fiber tub", oh and a cat. a tuxedo cat in fact. she has spent over a month working on it. craziness. so i think im going to create FLA, Fiber Lovers Annonymous. surely there are others out there living with these oddities.

gerald the fiber free goat

oh i almost forgot, this is all claires fault. she lives at whispering acres but i don't think there is much whispering going on or my human would not have all this fluff everywhere!!

Goat Lies

with the herd of sheep came a show called shaun the sheep. he's from wallace and grommit, a close shave. i like wallace and grommit and i sort of like shaun the sheep. the human loves it of course. the other day i walked in the room and there was a goat on one of the old episodes. i thought , oh good, finally. HOW WRONG I WAS!! the goat ate everything. it ate a tire, a brick, yes i said a BRICK and it drank out of a toilet!!!! what the hell?! the human was laughing, alot, too much in fact. all the sheep were laughing too. i explained to them that all of that was rubbish! oh i forgot, he ate a bike horn too. do people really believe that goats can eat bricks, metal and tires? wankers! all of them. if that wasn't enough the boy was watching a malcom in the middle rerun. they were at the zoo and reese ticked off a nubian. the nubian followed him all over the zoo then attacked him. what?! that is such crap! everyone knows nubians are too dumb to do any of that! so for the last time......GOATS DO NOT AND WILL NOT EAT ANYTHING!!

gerald the rather finicky goat

herb (thats my stunt doubles name incase i hadn't told you) tried to make a goat snow angel but it didn't go well. see, herb there is still wearing that scarf. herb is a dwork.

gerald the anti scarf wearing goat

Oh Come On! Really?

i don't know what these sheep are up to but it looks like cooking. i sealed up the window so no more can come in but that doesn't change the fact that there are sheep in the kitchen doing something.

this really can't be good.

gerald the confused goat

HOW Are They Getting In?!

this is madness! how are they getting in? looks like they watched wallace and grommit(which i love) "a close shave" or they are from the circus. i do not understand why they keep coming. my human says they are very entertaining. sure they aren't. i tried to convince them that only frank can be here but they just don't listen. they don't really say anything either. silent means dangerous, or really dumb. i'll be sleeping with one eye open, thats for sure. the newest evil member is named joe. where do they get these names? i think i will rename them. flopsy, mopsy and dopey might work. i don't know. i think you aren't supposed to name them cause then you get attached. well i wouldn't but my human would. i can just see her cuddling one of them. ugh im gonna be sick.

gerald the sheep investigating goat

post script: did you notice that herb(thats what she named my stunt double) has a scarf. she made it for him. i don't have a scarf.

What is This?

could it be she still does love me best? i saw this on her. she hadn't told me, she said it was a surprise. what a splendid suprise indeed. the photo quality isn't great cause the nice camera has a problem but you get the idea. she said the tattoo man had never been asked for a goat before. i find that odd. oh well leave it to my human. oh don't tell her i said this but i think she is having her midlife crisis. she has never had any interest in a tattoo before so its got to be that.

gerald the fabulously majestic goat

This Had Better Be a Joke

one of the humans few friends sent this to her. i really hope its a joke cause im gonna sue for slander. i have never attacked a teletubby. i would have hired a sniper to take it out. so anyway whoever made this is giving us goats a baaad reputation. i have never dropped out of a tree onto a human, ever. so tell me what you think my many friends. i am very concerned about this.

http://goat-trauma.org

gerald the sniper hiring goat

Perseus Speaks

im talking over for gerald today. he is so weak from lack of cookies he went to bed. i think he is pouting. i ate his cookies but don't tell him. he acts as if he is so special but im the favorite. he's been stomping around demanding cookies. i have a cookie stash he doesn't know about. the human is very kind to all of us. gerald put on some pounds which is why he doesn't get any cookies. i bet he left that part out. goats. anyway i'm supposed to guard the goats. human says i am a pleasure to have around. i'v never heard her say that about gerald. right now the only thing i guard is the cat, snowy, and the humans. im pretty quiet and don't jump up on people which makes my human very happy. she always gets me pig ears and cow ears to chew on to let me know how much she loves me. she scratches me alot too just to let me know how much she likes me. i have a great life here. can't wait to do my real job.

perseus the might

Goat! It's What's for Dinner!

we had goat shanks for easter dinner. the human had never had goat before so she thought she should try it to see if they will be eating their goats. the answer is yes, some of the goats will be food! gerald, you better hide. the goat shanks were very yummy! it looks like vomit in the pan but that's just the veggies it was cooked with! i highly suggest goat to anyone who has never had it. the recipe was very easy. the meat turned out very tender! EAT GOAT!! oh and it doesn't taste like chicken.

hmmm, what's in there?

yummy, goat shanks!

penelope the goat eating cat

Tragedy in Animal Land

the remains of two of penelopes children were found early monday morning under some bushes. another kitten is missing and presumed dead. while we have no suspects, investigators are looking into a mexican canine gang a block over from penelopes home. penelope will be resigning from the blog for a spell, maybe forever. she will give her statement later. this has started a racial war between mexican canines and gray felines in surrounding areas. only time will tell what chaos will rain down on our once quiet, secure neighborhoods.


gerald the news goat