We're Not Leaving

well it wasn't pretty, but i won! i convinced my human, using much violence, that we would be keeping the internet and phone. god gave me these horns and big hard hooves for a reason. my human has learned this reason and won't be giving me any trouble for some time. i don't usually choose violence but i was tired of her crap! the thought of being here without a connection to the outside world was too much for me and i snapped. don't worry though, she'll be fine. but really does anyone care about my human? no, it's all about me. the only time she even posts is when she is threatening me. i guess the point here is that i win!

Some Farm and Life Updates

i hate my human. after stressing how freakish those earless goats are someone offered her two, mom and daughter, for free!!! do you think she said no? of course not. she said "heck yeah, gerald hates those things, so i'm gonna take them, just to piss him off". i haven't left by the front door in days. the baby, aside from being a freak, has freaky blue eyes. i think i can open up a freak show now. i just don't understand why she has to be this way. i've said it before but i'll say it again, THEY DON'T HAVE ANY EARS!!!!!

well lets see she brought home a baby goat too. i like him. he isn't to keep but he gets to stay for awhile. he is out of a doe that she wants really bad.

i think they are going to breed him to the psycho bitch goat cinabon when he is old enough. my humans owner hates that goat. i could write a book about all the stuff she has done to make him angry, very angry. i like her though. nothing makes my human growl more than that goat does. she sleeps on the van. wouldn't stay in the pen till the human decided to milk her now she jumps in for regular visits to her kid so he can drink all the milk. she unlatched a rabbit cage, got inside of the cage to eat the rabbit food, and then tore up the cage getting out. three rabbits got out from the big hole she made in it. oh let's see, what else has this wonderful goat done to tick off my human. oh yeah she pulled out the internet wiring and it took them a week to figure out how to put it back together. she bit my human on the top of the head. that was the best but not as good as when they were holding her so the baby goat could nurse and cinabon latched on to my humans arm and bit her four times in an attempt to get a larger chunk of flesh!! it didn't really hurt i guess but it was fun to watch. this goat would be burger by now if it weren't for the fact that it is my humans sons goat. oh and she is in milk which apparently if you can lactate around here you get a free meal ticket. i must figure out how to lactate. here she is standing on the van. doesn't she look evil.

when my human was getting fred banded (testicles get a rubber band around the base so they fall off, ewww) she got to bring home a goose for the 2yr old daughter. what kind of kid wants a goose? my humans freak kids of course. the 2 yr. old acted like she had been given a puppy. i don't like geese either. they hiss. yeah cats do too but they are cats. there is something wrong with a bird hissing. my human said she only hisses at me. figures. she is probably conspiring with the earless freaks. the goose is now hanging out with the ducks. i guess if you can lay an egg you also get a free meal ticket. i'm still trying to figure out how to lay eggs.

okay and now here are the rabbits. everyone loves rabbits. they are cute, fuzzy, and they taste great. most of the white ones in the picture are bucks so if they don't sell soon, like within the week, they are headed to freezer camp!! my human says it will be great butchering practice for her. i'm not going to watch but i plan to have my fork ready. my human has only ever opened up one rabbit and has only put two down so this should be interesting. she cried the first time she put one down. she says it's because it wasn't a rabbit for dinner but one of her favorites. the next one she put down was also one of her best breeders but cause she had done it before it wasn't as bad. hmmm i wonder if she starts killing rabbits without flinching if she will grow numb and start killing larger animals too. she has spoken of killing boy goats for meat that are born here if they can't sell them. i really need to start laying eggs, lactating, or get a sex change. she might get kill happy and kill me for the practice.

i think that is most of the news for now. i'm sure there is more. oh yeah the debit card number theft that has nearly ruined them. my human said we aren't even gonna have internet come end of the month. what? my only thread to life outside of this house? i told her to sell the animals but she said internet and phone are luxuries and eventually the animals will pay off. what? that is the biggest load of poo i have ever heard. i guess the goat pulling the cord proved that everyone could live without the internet. the phone hadn't worked for months anyway even though they pay the bill. my human wouldn't have anyone come out to fix it because she is a freak of nature and doesn't like to be around people. she says it upsets her life balance out here when people come out. my human is a nut job.

her goat ginger had been pregnant, human thought so, everyone else said she was just fat, and then the goat miscarried triplets while she was away getting bred. see, house of death!

the humans got new neighbors and they said the goats can use their fields to graze in. my human is ecstatic about this since when they asked the guy they bought the place from how much another acre would be he told them 10 grand!! my human kept her mouth shut for a change cause the old man doesn't like women but she nearly passed out when she heard him say it.

my human no longer likes the post office. she had to sell her incubator cause they needed money and the darn thing never arrived to it's destination. now the people think she scammed them and she doesn't have the money to refund them. she is never shipping anything again. some postal worker is probably sitting at home with the thing full of eggs. guess she should have gotten the insurance and a tracking number. lesson learned but she said she is still never shipping anything again.

so i guess that's everything. i'll try to cram in as much as i can before i have to go for awhile. hate to disappoint my fans. maybe if i start laying eggs or lactating i can sell tickets and raise some money. then i could get some fancy clothes. nothing better than a well dressed mountain goat. the ladies love it. really they do.

gerald the well dressed goat

The War on Obesity is Just a War Against Freedom

l.a. is banning any more fast food restaurants from opening in their poor communities. only poor people eat fast food i guess. i've always believed the government would start their control of the people with the military and then the poor. i think this just proves it. now i personally think this is very scary. no one seemed to even protest it. why? well the poor are probably on assistance and to go against the hand that feeds could cut them off. that's how they get ya. poor people are stupid, if they weren't they wouldn't be poor, right? the goal of this seems to be to get the poor and stupid to go to the grocery store or a sit down slow food restaurant to get food. hmmmm last time i checked applebees serves some pretty high calorie stuff as does about every sit down and stay kind of place. if you want an unhealthy meal you can get it at wendy's just as you can at any fancy place. they want more grocery stores to have land available to come to that area so people can buy more mac and cheese. i'm sorry but aside from this being just plain controlling it won't work. what are they gonna do if these poor, stupid people learn how to cook? well then they will have to go into the stores and ban everything that is considered bad by the health kooks. or the poor will be given a special mark so the stores know they can only by tofu and not a cake mix. other cities think this is a great idea and are planning to implement the same thing in their poor communities. again, no one thinks this is a bad idea which just suggests how dangerous our government and its people are becoming. remember how public schools started telling parents what their kids could and couldn't bring for lunch? well someone should have stopped that but no one did. it isn't anyones business if someone wants to be a fat ass. sure it ain't pretty but better to have a bunch of fat asses running around than the government telling us what we can and can't eat, right? you would think so. now my human is poor and stupid based off of all the charts and such. they only eat fast food a few times a year cause they can't afford it. what was that? THEY CAN'T AFFORD IT!!! so maybe the middle and upper class should be the ones banned from fast food. there are plenty of fat rich people out there. i mean lets keep things equal. that's what this country is all about right? honestly even if my human could afford to eat out all the time she wouldn't because the kids would rebel and kill her. why? well they like homemade food better. if given the choice between froot loops or eggs, toast, and oatmeal the kids will always pick the eggs, toast, and oatmeal. so based off of this not all poor people are food giants that only eat bad fast food. in fact alot of poor people eat real food all the time because it is cheaper than eating out. so fat people, fight for your grease so that the rest of us can have it too!

gerald the poor healthy goat

Kid-Sitting

my human is kid-sitting

sure they look cute and innocent don't they? see that little one in the front with those creepy blue eyes. well i am certain she is a terroist. i know, i know, she's just a little thing but she is pure evil!! it's true, i've seen her in action. now the big guy in the back isn't so bad except when the little girl is out and then it's like having ten toddlers in one room. they run, they jump, they eat magazines, they eat hair, and they chew on me too. i have got to take a vacation. it get's worse though. the kids need milk so my human said these two other goats could come over too. oh goody, more girls for me!! WRONG!! do you notice anything wrong with them?

THEY DON'T HAVE ANY EARS!!!! this is no accident folks. they are la manchas. my human didn't tell me they wouldn't have ears. when i went outside i started screaming and ran back in the house. i thought they'd been in some freak accident or some strange experiment. no, no, no. they are supposed to be that way!!! i must say i am afraid of them. my human said they are very nice and gentle but i'm not going near them. i can hardly look at them. in fact i'm not leaving the house until they are gone. this just isn't natural. even worse is my human is talking about maybe getting one next year. i told her, no way!! goats are supposed to have ears, the longer the better. i just can't understand why she would want those freaks living here.

gerald the eared goat

Eggtastic

well the human has been waiting and waiting and it finally happened. her b-day egg hatched. cute little thing once it dried. maybe the incubator wasn't such a bad idea. she built a hatcher for them to go into to hatch and i must say, please, someone, teach her how to build stuff. the hatcher is scary. she uses duct tape like a man. i'm suprised she hasn't built a home out of the stuff. she has even taped my mouth shut with it before. it took me a month to grow my fur back!! well anyway here is the new addition to the chicken project.

Tidbits from Penelope

time for some serious issues.

obama is the next messiah. are you laughing? well you should be. my human heard that people are calling him the messiah. well we now have proof that some americans are truly insane and do indeed need all those anti-pyschotic drugs that everyone is pushing. please locate these believers and give them drugs.

"pay it forward" or your an ass! i sure am tired of all these public displays of kindness. i think we've mentioned this before but running through the streets and going on t.v. telling everyone how great you are because you pay it forward is not right. shhhhh. it's supposed to be a quiet thing, not a big deal. now you can get airtime on oprah for doing something for someone else. worse is that these people are trying to make everyone else feel bad if they aren't busting their ass for others. giving and doing for others is a personal thing. in most people it is already built in. we don't need the media telling us to do it or making us feeling bad if we aren't. sometimes just smiling at someone is giving back. oh and did i mention i don't care for the title "pay it forward". can't stand it! on a forum recently someone said it should be mandatory for people to watch some movie(i think) called "pay it forward"(cringe). mandatory? oh sure next we'll be fined for not paying it forward. there will be a "p.i.f." police who will track everyone to make sure they are giving back. if not you will have to go to a course on paying it forward. somehow i think this attention and pressure on people to do this takes away from the heart which is supposed to be the important part. next we'll have people going on talk shows for help because they can't say "no" to anyone. there will be marital problems because women(the usual culprit behind this crap) are neglecting their families more than ever. "i just didn't have time for them because i was saving the world" "i know johnny needs to go to the doctor for his cancer but mrs. jones needed her hedges trimmed and her poodle washed" "i know we need to eat but the people down the road need food too so we are just going to have to starve" it's foolishness and just plain dangerous. especially in the hands of oprah. stop telling us that we need to pay it forward. now i know there are stories in the bible about giving away the last of your oil and god providing for you because you helped people but i'm sure there are passages in the bible about being foolish. again though it's a heart thing however women are usually controlled by their hearts and without supervision they could really mess stuff up. "i'm addicted to giving" aren't i great!" "look at me, look at me, i'm so important!"

gas prices got you down? kill the earth day freaks.

the economy is going to hell and we're all going to die. "i can't get my morning breakfast at mcdonalds, things are sooooo bad" "prices are going up on everything and we will all starve if we can't get those frozen pizzas for dinner" learn to bloody cook you pathetic thing! better yet free range some chickens on your lawn and you'll have eggs and meat right in your yard. yeah i know, you can't kill animals. animals are people too. "i could never butcher anything" yes you can you just aren't hungry enough yet. people need to stop whining and crying to the politicians and help themselves. obama isn't going to feed you or save the economy. obama isn't going to bring gas prices down for you. oh sure they might but they want to take over the oil business so they can CONTROL it. no thanks, i'll take the high prices over communism anyday. people panic too easy. the worst thing people can do when the economy is bad is to go to your government wanting them to fix everything. oh sure they'll fix it but when it is all said and done, when you can get your morning breakfast at the drive thru, you will find that the government will tell you what you can eat for breakfast. so please people, just adjust.

penelope the cat who helps herself

She's At It Again!!

sometimes living in this house is hell. my human is always trying to find ways to save money. her newest adventure involved making laundry soap and dishwasher soap. great, right? no it's not great! i had to make it! she said i need to start pulling my weight around here and it wouldn't kill me to help her out with some stuff. apparently my handsome presence isn't enough for her! so here i am making laundry soap. the grating was hell cause she only had a tiny grater. someone please send this woman a large grater. although my hooves did get a much needed trimming my legs were very tired and she wouldn't let me stop!! next i had to put the grated soap and the powders in a pan and boil till they dissolved. it's hot in here, the last thing i want to do is be close to a boiling pot! i even heard her say if i didn't stop complaining she'd push me in!!! unbelievable! today i'm getting a bath in the stuff cause i'm dirty. i am also the test subject to see if the stuff works. gee, couldn't she use the clothes? what if the stuff eats my fur off? or worse my beautiful horns. hopefully i'll post after my bath, unless i'm dead.





oh and it didn't gel up right and she blamed me! i just followed the recipe. the dishwasher soap worked really well though so she was pleased with that. she has me researching how to fix the laundry soap and i have until noon to find a solution. i don't know what happens at noon if i don't have one but i imagine she'll have me do more work. i might need a vacation after this.

gerald the soap making goat