Thursday, January 31, 2008

I Made An Apple Pie!!

see, goats are good for something besides abusing. i made an apple pie. i was going to take a picture when it was done but they ate it too fast. no one even said thank you, or maybe i just didn't hear them through all the scarffing!!!! pigs!!!

gerald the pie making goat

Saturday, January 26, 2008

I Won !!!!! Solar Oven is 86-ed !!!!!

me with the humans owner (my new best friend)

hahaha oh you guys should have seen it. i was the first one to the van to tell the crazy humans owner about this dumb solar oven b.s. you should have seen the look on her face when he asked to see some blue prints. oh my gosh !! my sides hurt from laughing. i ALMOST felt bad for her. even better was when he asked about the dangers. she gave me the nastiest look. oh my goodness! i'm gonna have to watch my back for awhile till this blows over. you know women, ten years from now we'll be having tea and she'll dump boiling water on me! oh my gosh, i don't even care. it was worth it!!!

gerald the smug goat

Friday, January 25, 2008

That's It! I'm Moving Out!! Solar Oven My Ass!!

i caught my human online today looking at how to build a solar oven!! okay fine if she shuts the heat off during the day and keeps it low at night freezing everyone. that i can handle. building a solar oven is just crazy. i told her too. she's gonna kill us all!!! and who do you think is gonna have to use it? probably me!! i won't do it, i won't tolerate it and i surely won't eat anything from it!!! i'm going to kill her!! she has lost her mind!!! surely her owner won't tolerate such nonsense. i'm going to tell him as soon as he gets home. oh yes, that's right you crazy woman! i'm gonna watch out the window for him. i'll get to him first and tell him all about the dangers. he'll put her right. he's a sensible sort. we'll have a little man to goat talk. she'll be banned from the computer and locked away somewhere for certain. i'm already hiding anything she might decide to use.

gerald the solar hating goat

Thursday, January 24, 2008

Energy Alternatives

yes i know, you think i'm going green. not to worry, i stand strong on my going brown campaign. i would like to "stick it" to the humans electric company though. yeah those guys. for five months they've been reading the meter and sending a bill, then the new bill came and it was over 1200 dollars!!! apparently they haven't been able to get an accurate reading. what the hell man!!!! yeah they decided not to tell anyone and just slip that bill in like the humans weren't gonna notice. the guy on the phone suggested that the bill had been really low as though the humans knew there was a problem with the meter. well had they known they would have called. the electric coop knew though. oh yes indeedy. they said the humans could work out payment arrangements. okay so now they have to pay the monthly bill plus pay off all the excess. let me say again, 5 MONTHS and they never did anything about THEIR meter. now i've always been under the impression the meters belong to the company making them their responsibility if their jacked up. customers aren't supposed to touch the meters ever!!! no one is denying the use of that much electricity. oh yeah ,we enjoyed every last cent of it and would have happily paid the bill every month. division figured it about 259 a month, though my human says she would have been more careful HAD SHE KNOWN!!!!!!!!!!!!! so anyway i think they need to get off the grid. get some wind power or something. i know there's talk of having a well dug cause the county wants 2 grand to put a water meter in and that doesn't even connect it to the home. oh no kids, you have to hire someone else to do that part. some guy named paco i think. country life is starting to suck the humans dry. i informed the human i would be packing my belongings and getting the heck out of here if the power goes bye-bye!! she said good ridance!! dang she's crabby. there was also some talk of me riding a stationary bike to power a generator. hahahahahaha i don't bloody think so witch!!

gerald the energy wasting goat

Sunday, January 20, 2008


copyright kristin johnson 1/20/08

kira the cat had kittens and it was horrible!!! there were only three. this one my human calls "funky legs" was first. it looks like someone put his legs on backwards!! the second one was born with it's intestines on the outside of it's body and died almost immediately. the third kitten appears to be normal, though i won't be surprised if it sprouts wings and starts flying around. i'm thinking of selling tickets. we'll call it "geralds freak show". seriously the condition is twisted legs and with a little work kitty might be okay. it's kind of gross to watch him move around but he does a great job. i overheard a visitor saying we needed to "off" the little guy. what the ****!!! there will be no kitten killing here!! geesh i hope i never lose my hind legs. after some reading there is some wacko in texas that breeds cats so they will have twisted front legs. now that's sick!! i think they are called twisty cats. well i have to go do my turn on kitty watch cause the mama is acting strange. hope they all came out.

copyright kristin johnson 1/20/08

copyright kristin johnson 1/20/08

gerald the "funky leg" loving goat