Thursday, February 25, 2010

A Murder

yep that is what it says. mark is dead. poor thing. lucy-fur the evil dog got in the bedroom and assaulted him. no dogs in the bedroom is the rule but someone left the door open and lucy got him!! human is very sad. her owner brought her home a new bunny to cheer her up. funny thing is it was actually the one she wanted first. her owner got lucky and its a boy. not so lucky is that at the store the rabbit told her owner that his name is simon!!! simon is white with silver on the ends of his hair, his ears are silver as is his nose. she's gonna try to take a pic of him but doesn't think the camera will capture his beauty. the human thinks her owner had fun picking out a rabbit cause apparently some of the other rabbits told him their name. so i wonder if he was standing there talking to them. my human has a friend whose husband doesn't really like goats but she caught him in the goat pen holding two kids on his lap!! i bet my humans owner was picking them up and cuddling them. i should ask the store for the security footage to see what exactly went on.
gerald the majestic goat

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Easter Ain't All Sheepy

for the time being the human has focused her attention on a different animal. i hate to say this but her mystery illness was actually a blessing, for me anyway. the humans knees and hips have been hurting her bad for the last week. apparently she is having trouble with the stairs so she decided to get a cane to help her out. she looked at hel-mart but didn't care for the metal clanky things. then she remembered seeing wooden canes at the farm store.
this is where things get real good(this is how i heard her tell her owner). so she drove over there with about ten minutes to spare before they close. as she was approaching the doors she sees a little sign that reads, "we have bunnies". the automatic doors slide open and the a great magnetic force pulls her straight in, down the aisle towards the bunny troughs. the whole time she was being pulled she was thinking, "i am so dead". why would bunnies in troughs make her dead? lets keep reading to find out. once at the troughs the human squeals in excitement at all the bunny colors and cuteness. her heart begins to race and she starts to sex them in search of a buck. i know that sounds really creepy but i assure you it isn't. so anyway, at no point did she ever stop and think "i want a rabbit". she just found a buck and tossed it in a box like a brainwashed robot. now that is creepy. she then grabbed a cane, paid, and left. it wasn't until she got in the van and started it that she said "oh dear me, what have i done?". actually she used some more colorful words but i like to make her sound sweet sometimes.
so now she has a box with a bunny in it and a cane. one of these things just doesn't belong. she starts to panic as she is driving back to hel-mart to finish her shopping. her thoughts went like this, "what am i going to do with this bunny?", "'owner' is gonna kill me", "i don't have a cage for him", "i am so dead", "calm down, you can explain this to him", her thoughts went on until she finally created a story for the owner so he wouldn't be too mad. she called the owner on her phone from hel-mart and asked about food, then slowly and quietly, told him the story of how she came to have a rabbit in her van. he wasn't happy but he wasn't gonna kill her. with that out of the way she got a small water bottle for him and decided he could live in the box till she constructed something better. apparently she told the owner that he would be a fine buck(yeah in like 4-6 mos.) for the three does they have and that he should be lop so they can carry that gene on in the babies. oh that poor fool. do to him trying to be as uninvolved in the animals as possible, she gets stuff by him all the time. bottom line is, she wanted the bunny cause they are cute. even as adults the human thinks they are cute. she only got a buck because she knew that was the only way to get off easy. i can just hear her, "well honey, he can breed with them and that will start off a new herd for us". i shouldn't be too hard on her i guess. the rabbits, perseus, and snowy are the only animals she has with her till the court mess is over and they get a new home. the owner said baby boy bunny said his name is mark. the owner says the animals tell him their names. weird man. so this is mark. yep, mark the bunny.

gerald the "i'm so glad it ain't a sheep" goat

Monday, February 22, 2010

Sheep, Sheep,Sheep, Sheep, Sheep!!

i think the sheep have been doing brain experiments on my human. all i ever hear her talk about is sheep lately. oh and don't forget, "the cute wittle lambie poos". miss claire hasn't helped things. sorry dear, but that place where the lady made little lamb coats for those lambs, well my human didn't need to see that. all day yesterday was sheep and lamb talk. she even made her owner look at the lambs in their coats. oh and don't forget the black lamb. she just loved that lamb. WHAT ABOUT KIDS AND GOATS? i've never heard about sheep having personality or getting out of every latched goat ever invented. and with easter coming i heard her tell the owner that she wants a white stuffed lamb and a black one. she already has a big stuffed lamb from tractor supply that he got her for christmas. she doesn't need any more. what she needs is a big life sized stuffed me!! wait, that might mean i died. scratch that. why aren't there easter goats. people eat us at easter too!! but no the shelves will be lined with dumb stuffed sheep that my human will beg for and her owner will get her because he gives her anything she wants if he can. maybe i need to have a man to man talk with him. this sheep business must stop!!
gerald the tired of sheep goat

Saturday, February 20, 2010

Goat Lies

with the herd of sheep came a show called shaun the sheep. he's from wallace and grommit, a close shave. i like wallace and grommit and i sort of like shaun the sheep. the human loves it of course. the other day i walked in the room and there was a goat on one of the old episodes. i thought , oh good, finally. HOW WRONG I WAS!! the goat ate everything. it ate a tire, a brick, yes i said a BRICK and it drank out of a toilet!!!! what the hell?! the human was laughing, alot, too much in fact. all the sheep were laughing too. i explained to them that all of that was rubbish! oh i forgot, he ate a bike horn too. do people really believe that goats can eat bricks, metal and tires? wankers! all of them. if that wasn't enough the boy was watching a malcom in the middle rerun. they were at the zoo and reese ticked off a nubian. the nubian followed him all over the zoo then attacked him. what?! that is such crap! everyone knows nubians are too dumb to do any of that! so for the last time......GOATS DO NOT AND WILL NOT EAT ANYTHING!!
gerald the rather finicky goat

Friday, February 19, 2010

Tea Time

i decided to do something nice for the human. she has felt really awful this week, more so than usual anyway. so i made her some mint tea(her favorite) and gave her some cookies. she wasn't all that interested in the cookies cause she doesn't eat much but really liked the tea. see, i can be a very caring goat. plus the sheep weren't in the kitchen so i was able to get in there.
gerald the very caring goat

Thursday, February 18, 2010

Where Was That Dog?

i must have been very tired last night. i was dreaming of having a sheep cook off. i was winning with all my delicious sheep entrees and then a giant sheep showed up with a goat to cook. i woke up startled and found myself on a plate. was i still dreaming?

i just want to know one thing, where was that dog?

gerald the edible goat

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

All Is Quiet Soooooo.........

we will look at a goat. this is alice the mini-mancha. she was the second baby ever born for the humans. her mama has blue eyes but she did not get them. she is one of the favorites i hear cause she was both dam raised and bottle raised so she is super nice. big deal, she doesn't have real ears like me. i threw a fit when the earless wonders showed up. i was so horrified i wouldn't even go near them. i still keep my distance and try not to make eye contact for fear of saying something i'd get in trouble for. so anyway this is alice, she is a year old this month, and the human says she is pretty. huh? oh well.

this picture is old, this is not her at a year old.
gerald the goat with ears

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Sheep Love

ugh i think i am gonna be sick. there was a lot of this going on around here with the sheep. i don't think would i have cared so much except that they kept using "ewe" instead of "you". luckily the humans don't really do too much on v-day. one year she got two goats but i think that's the only time she got anything. lucky for me rut is over so i don't owe anybody anything. yep, that's me the bachelor. boy do i save money. can you just imagine if i had to get something for every doe. i would be in the poor house. heck there wouldn't even be a house!

gerald the single goat

Friday, February 12, 2010

herb (thats my stunt doubles name incase i hadn't told you) tried to make a goat snow angel but it didn't go well. see, herb there is still wearing that scarf. herb is a dwork.
gerald the anti scarf wearing goat

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Darn Humans

sorry for being away, i will now continue with the sheep horror of pies and such. i guess they were just making a pecan pie. why? why would nine sheep move in here to make a pecan pie? i did not eat the pie. the human said it was very good. i guess it wasn't poisoned or the poison they used doesn't hurt humans. im not sure whats going on but i hope to find something out soon.

my human decided to get a migraine (maybe it was the pie), then a spinal injection for pain (which has only given her a headache and back pain so far) and then she went to an infectious disease doctor for no reason so that is why i haven't been on. unfortunately she hasn't given me access passwords but i am in the process of hacking so next time she decides to be ill and such i can continue my work. i will catch up with all of you soon.
gerald the hacking goat

Thursday, February 4, 2010

Hmm, Could it Be Pie?

i think it may be some sort of poison pie. i saw this one rolling out the dough into a circle shape. i believe he is probably coated in arsenic. i must say it was a little funny watching him roll. but i still believe they are evil. perseus is going over some plans and snowy is fluffing her fur for what im hoping will be a battle to end the sheep problem.
gerald the plotting goat

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

The Cooking Continued

well the little punks continued there little project despite my protests. im still conjuring up a plan to get rid of the vermin.

i think they are making poison biscuits.

gerald the confused goat