Sunday, August 24, 2008

Yummy Bunny

i wish i had pictures. my human ended up killing another one yesterday cause she decided one rabbit wouldn't feed everyone. she did much better at butchering that one. i figured out what is making her gag. it's the guts. they kind of stink. anyway the two buns were roasted with bacon on them. they came out tender and good. i didn't know they were white meat. pretty neat. even the legs were white. i understand why people pay so much for rabbit dinner now. so i guess that is the first and only success here at the hobby farm of death. for those of you who have tried wild rabbit and did not like it then you should try the home raised kind.
gerald the rabbit eating goat

Friday, August 22, 2008

Fierce Killer

it's official, my human is a fierce killer. she decided to butcher one of the rabbits. now she has never done this before but said she needed the practice. don't they make fake rabbits for this? guess not. so out she went with her tools of cutting. i watched from the window as i was afraid she might decide a goat would be a better practice animal. it was disgusting!!! she cut the head off and tossed the bloody thing to the dog. just picture a bloody rabbit head flying through the air. she doesn't have an axe so someone please send her an axe so it doesn't take so long to get the head off. oh don't worry the rabbit was already dead during this part. maybe a really sharp butcher knife would work. yeah send her one of those. so anyway the head is off and bunny is hung to bleed out. she came in and sat down during this part. i looked for signs that she was crazy but she seemed rather calm. maybe that's the craziness. i don't have a problem with her doing this, i'm just afraid she will move on to bigger things. anyway she went back out to finish the job. it took forever it seems for her to skin it. of course her sick little kids wanted to help. aren't little girls supposed to be squeamish? not these two. her 4yr old loved it. i think she is the one i need watch out for. anyway she got it skinned and next came the gutting. did i mention she has no idea what she is doing. well the kids wanted to know what everything was so she stood there going over the parts. i didn't know rabbits had so many guts! nasty. i saw my human step away at one point. i think she was going to puke. then she started cutting and pulling and then it was done. she sent in a kid to tell her owner she was coming in with the carcass so he would be warned. then she came in and washed it, tossed it in a pan of salt water and put it in the fridge. in the meantime the girls were running around outside with rabbit fur. at least they washed their hands. so i guess we're having roast rabbit for dinner tonight. maybe i shouldn't have watched. i wanted to take pics but my human said no cause she probably didn't cut the legs right and doesn't want the whole world to see it. she did seem to be on some sort of high and said she wondered if hunting was as great. a high from killing? i think i should be concerned. i heard her say she can't wait to do the next one and then a goat!!!! nooooooooooooo! can't she just stick with rabbits? well she will need a bigger setup than she has right now to be able to do a goat so i have some time. i suppose there is one good thing to come from all of this.........if the world ever goes to crap then at least i know the human can feed us. yep we'll be eating rabbit, duck, chicken, and goat while everyone else is starving! ya know people pay high prices to eat duck and rabbit at a restaurant and here i am eating it for free. well no duck yet but i heard them talking about one for christmas if the ducks lay eggs in time. so i guess living with poor people isn't so bad.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

We're Not Leaving

well it wasn't pretty, but i won! i convinced my human, using much violence, that we would be keeping the internet and phone. god gave me these horns and big hard hooves for a reason. my human has learned this reason and won't be giving me any trouble for some time. i don't usually choose violence but i was tired of her crap! the thought of being here without a connection to the outside world was too much for me and i snapped. don't worry though, she'll be fine. but really does anyone care about my human? no, it's all about me. the only time she even posts is when she is threatening me. i guess the point here is that i win!

Saturday, August 16, 2008

Some Farm and Life Updates

i hate my human. after stressing how freakish those earless goats are someone offered her two, mom and daughter, for free!!! do you think she said no? of course not. she said "heck yeah, gerald hates those things, so i'm gonna take them, just to piss him off". i haven't left by the front door in days. the baby, aside from being a freak, has freaky blue eyes. i think i can open up a freak show now. i just don't understand why she has to be this way. i've said it before but i'll say it again, THEY DON'T HAVE ANY EARS!!!!!

well lets see she brought home a baby goat too. i like him. he isn't to keep but he gets to stay for awhile. he is out of a doe that she wants really bad.

i think they are going to breed him to the psycho bitch goat cinabon when he is old enough. my humans owner hates that goat. i could write a book about all the stuff she has done to make him angry, very angry. i like her though. nothing makes my human growl more than that goat does. she sleeps on the van. wouldn't stay in the pen till the human decided to milk her now she jumps in for regular visits to her kid so he can drink all the milk. she unlatched a rabbit cage, got inside of the cage to eat the rabbit food, and then tore up the cage getting out. three rabbits got out from the big hole she made in it. oh let's see, what else has this wonderful goat done to tick off my human. oh yeah she pulled out the internet wiring and it took them a week to figure out how to put it back together. she bit my human on the top of the head. that was the best but not as good as when they were holding her so the baby goat could nurse and cinabon latched on to my humans arm and bit her four times in an attempt to get a larger chunk of flesh!! it didn't really hurt i guess but it was fun to watch. this goat would be burger by now if it weren't for the fact that it is my humans sons goat. oh and she is in milk which apparently if you can lactate around here you get a free meal ticket. i must figure out how to lactate. here she is standing on the van. doesn't she look evil.

when my human was getting fred banded (testicles get a rubber band around the base so they fall off, ewww) she got to bring home a goose for the 2yr old daughter. what kind of kid wants a goose? my humans freak kids of course. the 2 yr. old acted like she had been given a puppy. i don't like geese either. they hiss. yeah cats do too but they are cats. there is something wrong with a bird hissing. my human said she only hisses at me. figures. she is probably conspiring with the earless freaks. the goose is now hanging out with the ducks. i guess if you can lay an egg you also get a free meal ticket. i'm still trying to figure out how to lay eggs.

okay and now here are the rabbits. everyone loves rabbits. they are cute, fuzzy, and they taste great. most of the white ones in the picture are bucks so if they don't sell soon, like within the week, they are headed to freezer camp!! my human says it will be great butchering practice for her. i'm not going to watch but i plan to have my fork ready. my human has only ever opened up one rabbit and has only put two down so this should be interesting. she cried the first time she put one down. she says it's because it wasn't a rabbit for dinner but one of her favorites. the next one she put down was also one of her best breeders but cause she had done it before it wasn't as bad. hmmm i wonder if she starts killing rabbits without flinching if she will grow numb and start killing larger animals too. she has spoken of killing boy goats for meat that are born here if they can't sell them. i really need to start laying eggs, lactating, or get a sex change. she might get kill happy and kill me for the practice.

i think that is most of the news for now. i'm sure there is more. oh yeah the debit card number theft that has nearly ruined them. my human said we aren't even gonna have internet come end of the month. what? my only thread to life outside of this house? i told her to sell the animals but she said internet and phone are luxuries and eventually the animals will pay off. what? that is the biggest load of poo i have ever heard. i guess the goat pulling the cord proved that everyone could live without the internet. the phone hadn't worked for months anyway even though they pay the bill. my human wouldn't have anyone come out to fix it because she is a freak of nature and doesn't like to be around people. she says it upsets her life balance out here when people come out. my human is a nut job.

her goat ginger had been pregnant, human thought so, everyone else said she was just fat, and then the goat miscarried triplets while she was away getting bred. see, house of death!

the humans got new neighbors and they said the goats can use their fields to graze in. my human is ecstatic about this since when they asked the guy they bought the place from how much another acre would be he told them 10 grand!! my human kept her mouth shut for a change cause the old man doesn't like women but she nearly passed out when she heard him say it.

my human no longer likes the post office. she had to sell her incubator cause they needed money and the darn thing never arrived to it's destination. now the people think she scammed them and she doesn't have the money to refund them. she is never shipping anything again. some postal worker is probably sitting at home with the thing full of eggs. guess she should have gotten the insurance and a tracking number. lesson learned but she said she is still never shipping anything again.

so i guess that's everything. i'll try to cram in as much as i can before i have to go for awhile. hate to disappoint my fans. maybe if i start laying eggs or lactating i can sell tickets and raise some money. then i could get some fancy clothes. nothing better than a well dressed mountain goat. the ladies love it. really they do.

gerald the well dressed goat

Sunday, August 3, 2008

The War on Obesity is Just a War Against Freedom

l.a. is banning any more fast food restaurants from opening in their poor communities. only poor people eat fast food i guess. i've always believed the government would start their control of the people with the military and then the poor. i think this just proves it. now i personally think this is very scary. no one seemed to even protest it. why? well the poor are probably on assistance and to go against the hand that feeds could cut them off. that's how they get ya. poor people are stupid, if they weren't they wouldn't be poor, right? the goal of this seems to be to get the poor and stupid to go to the grocery store or a sit down slow food restaurant to get food. hmmmm last time i checked applebees serves some pretty high calorie stuff as does about every sit down and stay kind of place. if you want an unhealthy meal you can get it at wendy's just as you can at any fancy place. they want more grocery stores to have land available to come to that area so people can buy more mac and cheese. i'm sorry but aside from this being just plain controlling it won't work. what are they gonna do if these poor, stupid people learn how to cook? well then they will have to go into the stores and ban everything that is considered bad by the health kooks. or the poor will be given a special mark so the stores know they can only by tofu and not a cake mix. other cities think this is a great idea and are planning to implement the same thing in their poor communities. again, no one thinks this is a bad idea which just suggests how dangerous our government and its people are becoming. remember how public schools started telling parents what their kids could and couldn't bring for lunch? well someone should have stopped that but no one did. it isn't anyones business if someone wants to be a fat ass. sure it ain't pretty but better to have a bunch of fat asses running around than the government telling us what we can and can't eat, right? you would think so. now my human is poor and stupid based off of all the charts and such. they only eat fast food a few times a year cause they can't afford it. what was that? THEY CAN'T AFFORD IT!!! so maybe the middle and upper class should be the ones banned from fast food. there are plenty of fat rich people out there. i mean lets keep things equal. that's what this country is all about right? honestly even if my human could afford to eat out all the time she wouldn't because the kids would rebel and kill her. why? well they like homemade food better. if given the choice between froot loops or eggs, toast, and oatmeal the kids will always pick the eggs, toast, and oatmeal. so based off of this not all poor people are food giants that only eat bad fast food. in fact alot of poor people eat real food all the time because it is cheaper than eating out. so fat people, fight for your grease so that the rest of us can have it too!

gerald the poor healthy goat