Sunday, January 31, 2010

OH NO!!! Don't Say Mint Sauce to Sheep!!!

ahhhh!! so, i tried getting the sheep to go away by saying mint sauce, and they attacked!!!

see, i knew these sheep were up to no good. i am quickly losing control of this situation. once my head stops hurting i am going to do something. i really am this time. i've been flapping my gums and doing nothing like a politician. no more!!
gerald the motivated head hurts goat

Oh Come On! Really?

i don't know what these sheep are up to but it looks like cooking. i sealed up the window so no more can come in but that doesn't change the fact that there are sheep in the kitchen doing something.

this really can't be good.

gerald the confused goat

Saturday, January 30, 2010

We got this award at Eric and Flynns. They were supposed to pick 10 bloggers who brighten their day but couldn't just pick ten so said if we were a regular we could add it to our page. So thank you guys!:

1. Copy and paste award to your page.
2. List 10 things that make you happy and try to do one today.
3. Tag 10 bloggers who brighten your day.

1. other beautiful goats like myself
2. really good hay
3. cookies, i love cookies (gingerbread are my favorites)
4. carrots
5. jumping on stuff
6. meeting new girl goats
7. blogging
8. my friends on here human when she is nice and not moving in sheep
10. finding a really great tree to scratch myself on

i don't know ten bloggers and don't know how to tag. in fact i can't do much of anything cool with my blog cause i never figured out how or don't understand . oh well, i am just a goat, a majestic goat, not a computer tech goat.

Friday, January 29, 2010

Night Guard

as a livestock guardian dog i am the best in the business. i don't have goats to watch as they are staying at a friends but i have people to watch. gerald came to me about the sheep problem wondering how i didn't know they were breaking in. i had no answer for him but said i would keep an eye out. i set up motion sensor cameras. it's a good thing i did cause lastnight was the biggest break in of sheep ever. here is what i caught lastnight.
this sheep apparently got stuck but they got him out. i've never seen anything like this before.

so i will be reporting this to gerald and let him handle the rest. they were very quiet. i hear everything but them. i hope i don't lose my job over this breech of security. i'm not even a year old so maybe they will go easy on me.

perseus the mighty

Thursday, January 28, 2010

Beautiful Snowy

i thought you could use a break from sheep and that lunatic goat so im going to tell you about how fabulous i am. first lets look at me.

first notice that the human has not taken care of the "good camera problem". second notice all my lovely points. third would be my beautiful blue eyes but the good camera is not working. gerald is jealous of how lovely i am and so is perseus. im the only animal here with blue eyes. that alone makes shall we say... majestic! see he isn't the only majestic animal. plus he isn't majestic. he is a goof. so let me show you how cute i look when i roll around on the floor.

im trying to kill the evil brown dog lucy. she won't leave me alone. everytime i come in she jumps on me and wants to play. that gets my fur wet and ugly so i bite her and jump on her. she is dumb also as she won't stop trying to play. oh well im not afraid of dogs. i chased the neighbors dog the other day. it ran up on the porch it was so scared! so back to my beauty. i am very soft and the human loves to pet me. even the humans owner loves me and he isn't that into animals. my human feeds me very well. i do miss the goat milk she used to give me though. i am good at getting rid of mice. i've gotten three here and now the humans love me even more. yes i am fabulous. i am pleased to finally get to address all of you. if you love me send me temptations and catnip.

snowy the most majestic animal

just a note: a four year old named me when i was born. i was all white so i figure she didn't know i would not look like snow later on.

HOW Are They Getting In?!

this is madness! how are they getting in? looks like they watched wallace and grommit(which i love) "a close shave" or they are from the circus. i do not understand why they keep coming. my human says they are very entertaining. sure they aren't. i tried to convince them that only frank can be here but they just don't listen. they don't really say anything either. silent means dangerous, or really dumb. i'll be sleeping with one eye open, thats for sure. the newest evil member is named joe. where do they get these names? i think i will rename them. flopsy, mopsy and dopey might work. i don't know. i think you aren't supposed to name them cause then you get attached. well i wouldn't but my human would. i can just see her cuddling one of them. ugh im gonna be sick.

gerald the sheep investigating goat
post script: did you notice that herb(thats what she named my stunt double) has a scarf. she made it for him. i don't have a scarf.

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Just When You Think It Can't Get Worse....

oh, heck no!! franky lanky has a friend. the friend showed up this morning. his name is carl. seriously? carl? i told the human about carl thinking he could live here with frank and she said, "the more the merrier". carl brought frank his hat. i didn't know sheep wear hats. i guess they do. i have got to get control of this situation. this can not go on. we can't have sheep running amuck (did i spell that right?). i guess ill need one of those shepherd things with the hook so i can grab them by the neck without touching them. if they are staying here they are gonna need a fence to keep them in one place. control is the key here i believe. they need to learn who is boss and that is me, the great majestic goat. OBEY ME!!
gerald the head goat

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

OH NO!!!

SHE GOT ME A FRIEND!!!!!!! i believe eric and flynn may be right. all the accidents my human has had have indeed affected her brain! so she comes home from the store the other night all sorts of excited. cool, she brought me something neat home. oh yes she did, but it is not neat! it is not cool!! it is named frank!!! it is a, a, a, i can't even say it. so, i'll just show you.

the horror! the shame!! HOW DARE SHE!!! look at him, he is hideous. he is a sheep. A SHEEP!!! she says im to be nice to him. oh sure, ill be really nice to FRANK!! what kind of name is that for a sheep? do you even name sheep? yes probably since they are too dumb to name themselves. i must get rid of him! oh, did i mention frank stinks? he smells like, oh i don't know, plastic!! i think i might pack up and move to iowa!! below i am telling him where to go. i won't repeat all i said but he did not get the point cause he is still here.

so my life is ruined but only for awhile. this frank fellow is going to leave. i don't know how or when, but he is not staying here!!

gerald the anti-sheep goat

Friday, January 22, 2010

What Is This???

my human is so cheap. rather than ordering me a new stunt double that actually looks like me she is using this dworky looking dog toy goat. IT EVEN SQUEAKS!!! im going to have to take this into my own hands and order the goat myself. this will not be good for my reputation. not at all.

gerald the not dworky goat

Sunday, January 17, 2010

Snowys Photo Has Arrived

yes the lazy human finally did it. snowy does not like having her photo taken so it took the human about ten minutes to get anything even close to presentable. sadly this picture does not capture her blue eyes or her beautiful points. oh well im going to tell her that our job as beautiful animals is to be seen and admired. i mean when you window shop you don't want to see just the sleeve of the shirt, you want the whole shirt. we want the whole cat! so anyway, she will be speaking on here sometime soon so she can tell everyone about her. i put in a good word for those lovely cats, eric and flynn, so she is looking forward to meeting them.

gerald the motivational goat

Tattoos and My Growing Popularity

as fabulous as the tattoo is, and as fabulous as a gesture it was. i have no plans of putting her anywhere on my gorgeous hide. she of course understands that i must remain flawless. i have heard that a couple of people are wimps and would not get a tattoo. i personally think that all humans should permanently inscribe a portrait of me or some other beautiful animal on their flesh. the human said it does hurt but after awhile you don't care. so see whats holding you back? a couple of fabulous felines on your arms or any animal you love is a great thing to put on your flesh. you humans don't think twice about branding us,tagging us, or tattooing us so it is only right that you experience it too. let us mark you for the world to know who you belong to.
next piece of business is my growing popularity. okay i know im not real popular right now but claire from whispering acres(her link is on the page) mentioned me a few times in a post. so i figure with all the readers she has they will be curious as to who this great majestic goat is she speaks of. then they will come running here and be mesmerized by my majestic charm.
gerald the majestically charming goat

Saturday, January 16, 2010

What is This?

could it be she still does love me best? i saw this on her. she hadn't told me, she said it was a surprise. what a splendid suprise indeed. the photo quality isn't great cause the nice camera has a problem but you get the idea. she said the tattoo man had never been asked for a goat before. i find that odd. oh well leave it to my human. oh don't tell her i said this but i think she is having her midlife crisis. she has never had any interest in a tattoo before so its got to be that.
gerald the fabulously majestic goat

Thursday, January 14, 2010


what is a spindle and why did my human get one? it's probably some torture device for use on goats. i saw her looking at alot of strange things online. im worried. then yesterday i heard her say, "i feel an urgency in the air, something is coming, i can feel it". what the heck does that mean? what's coming? i think she has gone off the deep end. maybe she got some bad feed? hmm maybe i should take a closer look at the pills the doctor gave her. one of them might be affecting her ability to think straight. maybe a good whack over the head will fix this. i think i mentioned that the other day. i could head butt her, thats how goats solve things.
gerald the curious goat

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Troubles Brewing

this could be the end. my human brought home a sheep magazine!!!!!!!! why i ask, why? she said she's just looking. thats what she said about the rabbit book and poultry book. she doesn't need sheep. she doesn't need wool. she can't knit anything but squares and rectangles. i think i have fifty scarves!! see once she gets an idea it becomes a purchase. thankfully right now she can't have anything cause we live in a shoebox. but oh dear if they ever get out of here she will act. this must be stopped. i must be the most majestic thing here. not that im worried about some dumb sheep but ive heard her ooh and ahh over those darn lambs. oh no, i just remembered, her owner got her a big stuffed sheep from tsc(tractor supply company) for christmas. that was a sign, i just know it!! there are fiber goats but she said they aren't colored enough. i hardly call brown, tan, black and white colors. sounds more like a chunk of dirt to me with a little tar and paper mixed in. i must do something about this, but what?
gerald the endangered majestic goat

Monday, January 11, 2010

This Had Better Be a Joke

one of the humans few friends sent this to her. i really hope its a joke cause im gonna sue for slander. i have never attacked a teletubby. i would have hired a sniper to take it out. so anyway whoever made this is giving us goats a baaad reputation. i have never dropped out of a tree onto a human, ever. so tell me what you think my many friends. i am very concerned about this.

gerald the sniper hiring goat

Sunday, January 10, 2010

Some of my Friends

here are some of my friends that are staying at the humans friends place. it's been very hard on the human cause she loves her goats alot. she said life is so weird without them just outside everyday. she has found a few houses they are interested in so maybe just maybe something will happen so that she can move back in the country and get back to life the way she loves it.

from left to right: gidget(nigerian/boer, vera(lamancha), and rose(mini mancha)

gerald the country loving goat

Saturday, January 9, 2010

Snowy Cat is in Big Trouble

last night the humans owner brought her a dozen of roses. the human doesn't get flowers often so she was really excited. she put them in a vase on the counter top. they sat looking pretty for the evening. during the sleeping time someone chewed on petals and broke two roses in half. i examined the chew marks and snowy is the only one who could have done it. the human is really upset. everytime she gets something one of us(well not me) destroys it. the humans owner got her a big stuffed sheep and one of the dogs puked on it. i could go on and on but i won't. poor human though.
gerald the sympathetic goat

Friday, January 8, 2010

Perseus Speaks

im talking over for gerald today. he is so weak from lack of cookies he went to bed. i think he is pouting. i ate his cookies but don't tell him. he acts as if he is so special but im the favorite. he's been stomping around demanding cookies. i have a cookie stash he doesn't know about. the human is very kind to all of us. gerald put on some pounds which is why he doesn't get any cookies. i bet he left that part out. goats. anyway i'm supposed to guard the goats. human says i am a pleasure to have around. i'v never heard her say that about gerald. right now the only thing i guard is the cat, snowy, and the humans. im pretty quiet and don't jump up on people which makes my human very happy. she always gets me pig ears and cow ears to chew on to let me know how much she loves me. she scratches me alot too just to let me know how much she likes me. i have a great life here. can't wait to do my real job.
perseus the might

Thursday, January 7, 2010

Human at Doctors Again

human went to the doctor again. he wanted to see if she was better. thankfully she was but not in the pain area. so finally, after seven years, she got a referral to pain management. i hope this means she will start taking better care of me. my hooves still need trimmed and i haven't had a cookie in i don't know how long. i need my cookies!!
gerald the neglected goat

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

More Pain For the Human

im starting to feel bad for her. the other night the evil one year old hit her in the head with the broom handle. she never saw it coming. lastnight the evil one flopped down on her and hit his head on hers hard. miraculously he managed to hit her in exactly the same spot the the broom hit her. again she was completely unprepared. she said her head hurt and i think she has a knot on her head. she also burnt her finger in the stove. guess im gonna have to step up protection duty or she is gonna be dead by the end of the week.
gerald the protective goat

Sunday, January 3, 2010

More to Tell

okay we read the shower story which was great. i now have proof that the human is stupid. today she is supposed to be going to see her goats. her friend said they have piglets and not to touch them cause the mom will kill the human. its just a pot bellied pig, how much damage can that little thing do? well as soon as she was told not to touch she has an uncontrolled desire to touch those piglets. she told her friend this. her friend does not care if the pig kills her cause she's hoping for pictures or videos of the whole thing. i like this friend. she has goats and wants the human dead. sounds like the perfect friend to me!
gerald the murderous goat

Humans Clumsiness(aka stupidity) Strikes Again

yes it is true. not hard to believe though. humans just lack the grace and intelligence of animals. so the human left the old year with an accident and had another one for the new year. it was a shower thing. she swears the shower is slippery. so she slipped and fell. it's okay to laugh, i do everytime i think about it. when she fell she did what most humans do, tried to grab something to stop the falling. yes, yes, she grab the shower curtain which also brought the rod down on her face. oh i am dieing, this is so funny. so there she is covered in the shower cutain, huddled in a heap on the shower floor. i don't know how the humans owner keeps a straight face during her attention getting schemes. see i would have taken the opportunity to raid the fridge or something. not the humans owner. no, he is nice and helps her. he could have raided the fridge with me. oh well his loss. i guess she hurt her hip too. lovely, so now she is gonna dramatically limp about in hopes of getting treats im sure. i think she should be culled. if she were an animal and acted like that she would be culled for the preservasion of the herd. its just unbelievable the favors given to humans.
gerald the graceful goat