Wednesday, December 26, 2007

High Winds + Burning Boxes = Grass Fire

my human is such a DUMBASS!!!! yep that's right. sure, she was tired of all the boxes sitting around. sure, after the presents were opened no one could get from the living room to the kitchen without injury. sure, it's legal to burn in the country when there is no burn ban. she seems to have fogotten something though. NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER , burn when it is really windy!!!!!! NEVER!!! why? because you will surely catch everything on fire. what does my human want for next christmas? a longer hose. there is more scorched grass but why shame her anymore than what i have. the best part is that her owner is denying any knowledg of a grass fire leaving her on her own with the blame. hahahaha. merry freakin christmas!!

gerald the fire-proof goat

Monday, December 24, 2007

New Eyes and Chocolate Peanuts

blue eyes? that's just not natural! the human says they're just for now, until she finds him brown or black. apparently he was getting hurt wandering around a house he doesn't know. i gave him a stick but he hit me with it. said he didn't need any crutches. geesh. i guess he's a bit crabby. well that b.t. bear was right about the chocolate peanuts. he was alot happier when his new eyes cleared up and the human gave him the bag of chocolate peanuts. we got to go for a trip with our human but we'll talk about that later. roadkill is doing much better. i still haven't figured out how come he gets a new scarf. the human made it for him. said it would help make him feel better too. geesh if this keeps up i might just move out of here!! or maybe there should be one less bear in the house! i'm gonna have to have some words with my human about this.

gerald the jealous goat

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

When OU Bears Get Hit By Cars

we rescued a bear out of a busy street! i named him roadkill. we think he only got hit once! the OU outfit is going to the burn barrel.

this is what we gathered for the operation.

the human gave him booze so he would be unconcious. i think hitting him over the head would have been quicker!

yuck! bear guts!

i stole his hat once he was asleep!!

this was the worst injury on fuzzball!

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!! he's got no eyes!!!!!

oh and a hole in his hand, the guts came out and left his arm flat!!

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! she turned his arm INSIDE OUT to stitch his paw closed!!!

oh my goodness! i think i'm going to be sick!!!!

bears' new guts!! those are real beans!

he also had a opening in his foot. what a mess!

closing roadkill. i don't think i can watch this anymore.

nice job human! he looks like he got a butt lift too!!

what the hell is she doing to him?!


post-op backside

my human said she will give him new eyes as soon as she finds some. finds some? what? is she just going to happen upon some eyes laying outside or something? apparently when the seam ripper was in his face she was extracting the plastic buds his eyes used to be on. i'm gonna be sick again.

Saturday, December 8, 2007

Crazy Bloodhound!!!

oh sure she looks cute, but she's crazy!!!! if you look closely you can see where she ate the arm of the favorite chair. who the heck eats fabric? yeah i know, dogs. this dog eats anything. i saw her eat raw carrots once and her own vomit. she isn't like the "best dog". he hunts rabbit and skins them perfectly. this bloodhound is not very nice when there is food around. on that animal planet show they put dogs down for food aggression. my dumb human hand feeds her. she doesn't hand feed me!!!! the vet said to get a shock collar and then zap her real good when she's acting like an idiot. i can't wait. i'm going to put it on the human when she's sleeping!!! hahahaha. can you just imagine being jolted awake by that!! oh my gosh i can't stop laughing!!

HELP!!! There's a Snowman in my Freezer!!

yes that is a snowman in the freezer. we had a tiny bit of snow and the humans daughter had to build a snowman. no big deal but she put it in the freezer!! she says his name is frosty. he's always singing. it's a bit muffled but i hear it and it's driving me crazy. i'm getting a blow torch! i'll shut frosty up forever!!

The Best Dog Ever

sorry for the delay kids but my human has been making me work!! she's gone mad but i'll deal with her later. i wanted you to meet the best dog ever. the neighbors down the road are getting a divorce and just left their animals. he is the only survivor of the dogs they left. to look at him he's not so cute but when you learn about what a great dog he is you can't help but like the guy. he loves kids and cats. he doesn't like people to know he likes cats but my human has caught hime outside licking one and cuddling. i think he was just tenderizing it before he took a bite. he is a great guard dog. he chases the cows away if they are too close to the fence when we go out. c'mon cows can be dangerous. in fact when anyone goes out or comes home he runs the perimeter of the property barking to make sure it's safe. he's been hit by the mail jeep and survived. he comes in the house and never does anything wrong unlike that crazy bloodhound we'll meet later. he's just an all around great dog. his blue eyes are a little creepy. sometimes he stares intensely at me and i have to tell him to stop. but it's okay. he's a great dog. more pets to meet coming soon.