Saturday, February 23, 2008

Give a Kidney or You're a Jerk!!!

a COMPLETE stranger gave a kidney to an 8 year old girl. well that's very nice. except that the stranger is not a stranger because on the main page of every search engine they are named. now i'm a big fan of giving anonymously and i think that's the right way. it is even discussed in the bible as being the favorable way to give. but nowadays with oprahs pay it forward crap, or whatever that is, if you're not giving and telling everyone you know about it then you are a jerk!! you are stingy!! YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF, KEEPING BOTH YOUR KIDNEYS LIKE THAT!!!! i'm bloody tired of hearing about all this giving!!! sure it's a nice story but c'mon. sure giving money is nice, buying a poor family a car is nice (oh, hey, i need a truck, if anyone wants to give me one)but now the media is making this big fuss about giving away your organs!!!! well this guy is not gonna be guilted into giving up his parts! thanks i'll keep, em'. mine! i do think that if i want to sell my extra organs then i should be able to list them on ebay. capitalism at it's finest. yeah i know, i'm a jerk, but i can still have a cold brew when i feel like it. if you wanna be nice and give an organ, then hey, give away, but don't let it be all over the front pages that you did it.

gerald the organ keeping goat

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

I Made Yogurt!

yummy yogurt!

i made yogurt! can you believe it? i couldn't either! it wasn't even hard to do. the waiting was the worst part. i was afraid to taste it so i had the other animals tie the human up and we crammed some in her gob. she said it was delicious! well i think that's what she said. maybe she said something about vengeance. hard to tell, she mumbles sometimes. we just ran off to go eat yogurt. we only made a small batch in case it didn't turn out. next we will make a huge batch!! oh it is soooo yummy. better than that crap you buy at the store. if i get requests i might post how to make it. yummy homemade yogurt for all!!!

gerald the yogurt making goat

Monday, February 18, 2008

I Stole the Van!!!!!

i had to show roadkill how to sit in a seat belt. he kept freaking out and getting tangled in it.
here i am driving.
more of me driving.
we had to put fuel in the van so the human wouldn't know we used the van.the guy at the booze store said this was fitting for us.

roadkill wanted this but i said no. bears sure do like sweet stuff.

here we are just playin around.this was the best shot. the guy wasn't gonna let us out!! i told him if he didn't i'd start opening the beer and drinking it.
this happened a long time ago. i found the pictures in a secret file the human doesn't know about. boy is she gonna be mad when she sees this. who cares? we had a great time. roadkill definitely needed to get out and i needed a drink!!!
gerald the van stealing goat

Saturday, February 16, 2008

PBS Kids- PROGRAMMING Your Children

want to raise a bunch of little rosie's, bono's, gore's, clinton's etc. then just set your little brat in front of the tube with pbs kids and you'll have it in no time. i couldn't decide which shows were the worst. after careful examination and interviewing the humans children i have chosen three; caillou (we call it kayak), it's a big, big world (it's a big gay world), and super why (super what the hell). now as far as big gay world goes, there are no spirits in the trees, any child that believes that should be shot on spot along with their parents for letting them believe it. this show is a big promoter of earth day, hug the spirit in the tree, save a tree day blah blah blah. be nice to trees. okay i'll be nice. chainsaw ready. oh look i have preserved the tree forever in the form of a shelter for my family!! thank you mighty spirit!!! haha

okay now for caillou. first off this show is great if you want to raise a bunch of whiny sissys. the kid needs his ass beat!!! the narrator always says, "caillou was very disappointed". his parents cater to this little brat, oh, and he's bald. the kid is 4 and he has no hair!!!! i never see him go to chemo treatments so where's his freakin hair!!! all the kid does is whine, whine, whine. the humans son wants to rewrite the show in ways that caillou gets blown up and such!! hahaha i think it's a fine idea.

super why is terrible in it's own sick way. they take stories we all know, boy who cried wolf, little red riding hood etc. and make them nice. the boy doesn't get eaten by the wolf, it's his friend. i think little red riding hood shares her cookies with the wolf. it goes on and on warping perfectly fine tragic endings. there is no lesson involved except sharing. oh and they teach kids how to talk to their parents. these little super heroes rush to the rescue to ruin the story. as i said, super what the hell.

i feel sorry for the children that aren't making fun of this crap. below i have changed the lyrics to caillou to tell the truth about the little brat.

i'm just a kid whose four

i want to be al gore

i like exploring

i'm kayak

so many men to woo

each day it's someone new

i'll share them with you

i'm kayak

my world is turning

changing each day

with mommy and daddy

i'm finding i'm gay

growing up is not so tough

i dress like hillary duff

i like to wear pink stuff

i'm kayak

there that's so much better
gerald the pbs kids hating goat

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Himalaymanx, Devonmaine Coon, Serensomali!!!

i couldn't resist! it really is just a matter of time before the cat breeders start this crap. though cat breeders are often even whackier than dog breeders i really see this happening in the near future. for sale, ragarussian, oh my gosh i think that's the best one i've come up with yet!!! hey penelope! what are you? hmmmmm lets see........ tonkirussian. hahahaahahaha. oh dear this isn't easy. the dog mixing is easy but this is a challenge!!!! plus we all know that penelope is a MUTT, a MIX, a product of cheap cats breeding!!!! oh man she is going to kill me!

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Chorkies, Dachsoodles, Bloodbull, Labracocker

the dog world has gone politically correct! no it's not a mutt, or mix breed, it is a chorkie! this is scary kids. apparently it is no longer acceptable to say the corgi got out and knocked up the poodle next door. i think that would make a porgi, or a coodle. i personally think alot of breeders are a bit whacky but this is just going too far! i want it stopped!!! call it what it is! it is a mutt!!!! you didn't fix your dog, she went into heat and every boy dog from miles around came and violated your little princess. now she is having MUTTS!! c'mom kids , let's say it together MUTTS!! very good.

gerald the purebred mountain goat

Tuesday, February 5, 2008

Dog Thievin!!

copyright kristin johnson 1/17/08
last night my human was at a store and mentioned the "basset hound missing" flyer to the cashier. my human told the lady that about six dogs have come up missing in their area. kinda fishy right? oh yes. apparently the cop handling the dog thievin case thinks the dogs were stolen for testing!! there are alot of others missing too. the neighbor down the road accused my human of stealing four yellow lab puppies. now look at the picture, does he look like FOUR six week old YELLOW labs? he tried to scare my human by saying he's a cop. (we think he's just a rent-a-cop at the casino) you should have seen his face when she revealed her dog!! my human told him that he doesn't need to come around accusin' her of stealing. plus she had talked to his wife a week before about the puppies. now why would she steal four puppies. especially since they live about a 3 minute walk away!!!! my human was mad. she still kind of is. plus the way we figure is that if you live in the country, leave your puppies outside free to roam, then yeah, your gonna be missing puppies. maybe we should have told him about predators. although i don't think you can tell that sort anything. they are calling their puppies pure labs. they aren't because the dad of the puppies isn't a lab. just cause you get puppies that look like labs doesn't make them pure lab. maybe we should send them a labrador breeding manual. i'm sure it must mention that the lab must be bred to another lab!!! geesh! i just don't get the humans sometimes.


see gerald, i can do this without being crazy

Kitten Update!

well here they are at two weeks i think. the cat with the funky legs no longer has funky legs. he did lose part of his tale to what my human is calling "tail rot". i like to call it "human helped kira cat get him out cause he was breech and stuck for a very long time". tuxedo cats name is oswald and the striped one is john boy. john boy is loud! i don't know how i feel about him yet. i bet he'll be trouble like me. they are fighting an upper respiratory infection they got from their mom. all the cats had it cause i brought it here. oops! our human is doing what she can to make them comfortable. ever steamed a cat? we did. they had their own little sauna lastnight. i would have taken pictures but i had to help hold them. cat colds are no fun. i sneezed snot all over my human quite a few times when i had it. it was pretty disgusting.

penelope the snot free cat

Sunday, February 3, 2008

Meet the New Penelope!!

copyright kristin johnson 2/03/08
copyright kristin johnson 2/03/08

this is the new penelope. our humans owner named her penelope. the other penelope was named smoky or princess depending on whose house she was at. the great part about this penelope is that she is the old penelope's sister! same dad, same mom. she also has the exact same markings. our human asked for the old penelope from the owner but someone else took her away. boy were we mad! oh well i guess. she is nice but she is young and crazy!! i told the human i wasn't sure about putting her on here but she just won't listen. geesh!

gerald the questioning goat
on the second picture she has what eric and flynn call "laser eyes"

Saturday, February 2, 2008

What's Going on Here?

what's with all the blue? where's all the stuff? my human has been here it seems. i almost like it. blue is a nice color i guess. apparently she's making changes. this is never good. she's gonna make us start attending meetings again and i bet it's gonna be about blog content and topics. hey i was just tryin to lighten things up for awhile. no we'll never see ourselves on authorblogs "post of the day" or "blog awards" but i don't have alot to work with. i told her it's election year and she said "don't bother". don't bother?!!! dirty money hillary is running and she said don't bother. a female is running and i'm not supposed to bother?! what is my human on? crazy pills obviously. well i do agree we need some changes. i suppose i can let moosey out of the closet. we have a new penelope so i guess we can introduce her. that one's crazy though. she never holds still for her photo and she is always busy attacking the other house animals. maybe if my human got off her fat ass i wouldn't have to make pies!!!

gerald the changing goat

Friday, February 1, 2008

Kitten Killer and Her Sidekick!!

remember the visitor that said to kill the deformed kitten? well the human slipped me a photo of her. she also slipped me a picture of kk's sidekick!!! oh these ladies are pure evil! can you believe one of them breeds cats! i wonder how many kittens are burried in her yard. probably none cause she's so evil she eats them raw!!!! sicko's!!!

gerald the cat loving goat

Who Ordered Snow?

copyright kristin johnson 2/1/08 copyright kristin johnson 2/1/08

oh i hate snow! it's cold, everyone tracks the crap in the house and the human makes me clean it up. there is just one good thing about it. my human got her van stuck in the YARD!!! hahaha what an idiot. i don't have pictures of it because i didn't even know until i overheard her telling her owner. she also got stuck for about 15 minutes at the end of the driveway when she was coming home!!! believe me, had i known i would have been out there with the camera laughing at her. then i would have strolled home and told no one!! i mean what the heck was she doing out driving in that mess?

gerald the snow hating goat