Friday, April 27, 2007


okay seriously is this a joke? we can't get mad at a little six year old boy that wants to be a girl. is this the warped mechanics of special interest groups to get us to accept that god does indeed make mistakes? i think that was the most disturbing 20/20 i've ever seen. "well johnny (yes johnny again) just wasn't happy unless he was wearing a dress", "well johnny just wasn't happy unless he had his crack". mom you need to keep your rump at home where it belongs instead of putting on your man suit and dumping johnny off with strangers to raise him. thats right i said it!! someone else is raising your kids when you dump them in daycare and go to work. oh well dad stays home you say. well then johnny is going to be a sissy who thinks women run the world, will probably wear a dress and prostitute himself/herself out and CSI will do a story about the murdered tranny in the alley. but hey mom has no identity unless she has a career, right? before long we won't even be able to tell the difference between the sexes. that is the goal though right. true equality. why don't we just eliminate gender all together. you laugh but it looks like thats where we're headed. welcome to the UNITED STAtES OF ANDROGYNOUS!!


Dear Animals

i just want to apologize for the crappy picture of your stunt doubles. as far as the choice of stunt doubles go there weren't many applicants. the jobs are still available so maybe someone else will apply. with all of the discrimination we put into place here it's hard to find help. amphibians need not apply.

the human

hey where is moosey??

Alec Baldwin

now there's a good man. fighting for mens rights to their children. yes mens rights. men, men, men. i just like saying it! MEN! not psycho controlling women. MEN MEN MEN

gerald the manly goat

Sunday, April 22, 2007

T.V. time with Gerald

i spent a day watching t.v. recently and what a bunch of crap!!!! commercial time had me ripping my fur out and spitting on the floor i was so appalled! here's a small bit of what i heard and saw.

"parents, read to your kids".......what? no sh** !!

"parents, eat dinner together with your kids"

PARENTS you are really mucking it up if t.v. has to tell you what to do with your kids

oh yeah there is also an obesity epidemic in children and we need to take a walk with our kids. oh and then there are the diapers. i'd say don't get me started but it's way too late for that. lets explore the diaper for a moment. it has two uses, one is to catch urine and two to catch fecal matter. thats all the exploration you need. so why in hell are you stupid parents paying a bloody fortune for pampers and huggies? is it the cute little pictures on the butt that NO ONE sees? is it the fact that they told you your walking baby needs the new special cut active diaper or he won't be able to move as easy. THAT IS ONE OF THE BIGGEST LOADS OF POO I HAVE EVER HEARD!!!!! parents you have gotten so stupid i'm suprised diapers don't have letters that read FULL when the diaper has reached capacity! what i want is a plain white diaper. no pictures. just the elastic in the legs, tabs to keep it closed, and the absorbing crystals. we'll call it the smart diaper. the packaging will be white and in plain black letters will read Smart Diaper. They will cost half the price of the extreme generic diapers and absorb just as well as the rest. oh and luvs, if you have a leak guard guarantee then maybe parents do need letters on the diaper that say FULL when johnny needs changed!


Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Goodbye Free Speech/ More Girl Crap

that's right folks, kiss it goodbye. if imus can lose his job for being mean then we're on the road to being silenced. go liberals! the sickest part is that his remarks started a fire in the female population. no surprise since oprahs got her hand in the mess. last time i checked women call each other horrible names so i don't see what all the fuss is about. everytime a guy dumps a girl the new girlfriend is always a ho, bitch, slut, skank and others i won't mention. i guess it's the same rule that only african americans can use the "n" word. well men i suggest you hide in your homes till the girls get their hormones in check. we all know what they're like when they get riled up. uh the word bitch comes to mind.

gerald the manly goat

What the heck?!

you call those stunt doubles?! well moosey is fine but c'mon i'm a large goat and my stunt double is a wee sheep in a gay sweatshirt!!! penelope is gray not orange!! are you freakin color blind? not to mention the picture isn't even centered!!!! GRRRRRRRRR!!! you're goin' down human!!!!

Gerald the not too happy goat

We're Back!

we're back and we've got stunt doubles!!! now we can really go where no animals gone before! think we're kidding? our human is going to put our stunt double pics up today, she promised. if she doesn't then we'll make her our stunt double and toss her off a bridge or throw her in front of train. now that's entertainment!

gerald, penelope, and that stupid moose
(antonio is MIA but we're sure he'll be back)

Monday, April 9, 2007

A Pill For Everyone and Everyone in Their Place

are you sad? we've got a pill for that
are you anxious? we've got a pill for that
are you shy? guess what? we've got a pill for you too.
name any condition and we can probably find a pill for it. if we can't we'll make one. we even have a pill for johnny who can't seem to sit still in 3rd grade. nevermind if you think he's just bored. nope! he's obviously ADD with a touch of HD. don't worry though, we've got a pill for him too. soon we will zombify the whole world with our special pills. no ones going to protest because everyones in a state of mindless zombie. since we've got the school kids this will be easy. mom and dad, the only ones who have a problem with all this medicating will die off soon and all that will be left are their drugged kids. it's brilliant really. if mom and dad won't drug their kids all we have to do is threaten to take away their kids and they will comply!!! total pill domination!! we win, you sleep.

Wednesday, April 4, 2007

global warming B.S.

in brussels, belgium the region of wallonia has approved a tax on barbecuing. residents will have to pay 20 euros for a grilling season. meanwhile helicopters will be flying over peoples backyards to see if they are barbecuing and if they paid the tax to be able to do so. helicopters? you've got to be kidding! don't helicopters use fuel and in turn pollute the environment? well at least we're not the only country losing our minds in all this global warming b.s. in an effort to show my annoyance at all of this b.s. i plan to barbecue every bloody day for the next five years. hell i'll even barbecue green beans. maybe a penguin or two. check out my footprint! it's HUGE!!!! speaking of penguins.......why is everyone so panicked about the decline? last i checked it isn't a major food source for humans. i'd like to try it though. what else? oh yeah san franfreako is banning plastic bags. crap! does this mean all the trees are going to start crying again? "don't cut us down, it hurts." chainsaw ready! now the proper thing to do here is tell you where i read all this stuff. do the foot work yourself puppies, i gotta go fire up my barbecue and catch some penguins.
penguins taste like chicken

Tuesday, April 3, 2007

Not Again!!!!

in the cincinnati/northern kentucky area the kids cant chatter at baseball games anymore. well you can if it's positive and directed at your own team. What the ****?!! just what we need are more sissy boys running around. "mommy, he said i suck at batting". you can read the whole article at

first it's basketball now this


Monday, April 2, 2007

can't find a topic

i've been racking my small goat brain all day for a post and i've got nothing. actually i've got alot to say but can't decide on one thing. i'm tired of global warming. lastnight it was the penguins. apparently global warming is making the babies stupid cause they can't find food. that really wasn't what they said exactly but i like it better. Just in!!! Global Warming Causes Stupidity!! well that would surely explain alot mr. gore. on the world news i found out i'm to blame for the bad pollen. gee i thought my allergies were genetic. i read alot about child protective services and families today. that just pissed me off. oh and then there's that rosie. of the four of those view chickies she is the worst but what about joy behar(sp?)? some days i can't decide who i want to stop the oxygen flow to first. perhaps just my big furry hooves in their big loud mouths. no war, no war........ i guess we could go back in time and never have war and see what we would end up with now. yes rosie, i'll get out my history eraser and erase all the wars just for you. somehow rosie, i don't think hitler would have stopped at the jews. well folks thats all for today.

gerald the bored goat

Sunday, April 1, 2007

Just to be clear

the "commercials made my kid fat" post was a joke. everytime i turn on the t.v. there's something about obesity and kids. then you hear, "oh it's the commercials fault", " oh it's fast foods fault". NO ONE ever says it's the parents fault their kid is fat. Hey parents! Ever heard of "NO"? i think i even heard something about the kids throwing fits in the store so they just give in. What?! now don't get the wrong idea here. i'm not a "let's give the kids granola or fresh fruit for halloween" kind of guy. why don't parents get a shovel, scrape the fat kid off the couch, and dump him in the backyard with a ball or something?