Saturday, August 16, 2008

Some Farm and Life Updates

i hate my human. after stressing how freakish those earless goats are someone offered her two, mom and daughter, for free!!! do you think she said no? of course not. she said "heck yeah, gerald hates those things, so i'm gonna take them, just to piss him off". i haven't left by the front door in days. the baby, aside from being a freak, has freaky blue eyes. i think i can open up a freak show now. i just don't understand why she has to be this way. i've said it before but i'll say it again, THEY DON'T HAVE ANY EARS!!!!!

well lets see she brought home a baby goat too. i like him. he isn't to keep but he gets to stay for awhile. he is out of a doe that she wants really bad.

i think they are going to breed him to the psycho bitch goat cinabon when he is old enough. my humans owner hates that goat. i could write a book about all the stuff she has done to make him angry, very angry. i like her though. nothing makes my human growl more than that goat does. she sleeps on the van. wouldn't stay in the pen till the human decided to milk her now she jumps in for regular visits to her kid so he can drink all the milk. she unlatched a rabbit cage, got inside of the cage to eat the rabbit food, and then tore up the cage getting out. three rabbits got out from the big hole she made in it. oh let's see, what else has this wonderful goat done to tick off my human. oh yeah she pulled out the internet wiring and it took them a week to figure out how to put it back together. she bit my human on the top of the head. that was the best but not as good as when they were holding her so the baby goat could nurse and cinabon latched on to my humans arm and bit her four times in an attempt to get a larger chunk of flesh!! it didn't really hurt i guess but it was fun to watch. this goat would be burger by now if it weren't for the fact that it is my humans sons goat. oh and she is in milk which apparently if you can lactate around here you get a free meal ticket. i must figure out how to lactate. here she is standing on the van. doesn't she look evil.

when my human was getting fred banded (testicles get a rubber band around the base so they fall off, ewww) she got to bring home a goose for the 2yr old daughter. what kind of kid wants a goose? my humans freak kids of course. the 2 yr. old acted like she had been given a puppy. i don't like geese either. they hiss. yeah cats do too but they are cats. there is something wrong with a bird hissing. my human said she only hisses at me. figures. she is probably conspiring with the earless freaks. the goose is now hanging out with the ducks. i guess if you can lay an egg you also get a free meal ticket. i'm still trying to figure out how to lay eggs.

okay and now here are the rabbits. everyone loves rabbits. they are cute, fuzzy, and they taste great. most of the white ones in the picture are bucks so if they don't sell soon, like within the week, they are headed to freezer camp!! my human says it will be great butchering practice for her. i'm not going to watch but i plan to have my fork ready. my human has only ever opened up one rabbit and has only put two down so this should be interesting. she cried the first time she put one down. she says it's because it wasn't a rabbit for dinner but one of her favorites. the next one she put down was also one of her best breeders but cause she had done it before it wasn't as bad. hmmm i wonder if she starts killing rabbits without flinching if she will grow numb and start killing larger animals too. she has spoken of killing boy goats for meat that are born here if they can't sell them. i really need to start laying eggs, lactating, or get a sex change. she might get kill happy and kill me for the practice.

i think that is most of the news for now. i'm sure there is more. oh yeah the debit card number theft that has nearly ruined them. my human said we aren't even gonna have internet come end of the month. what? my only thread to life outside of this house? i told her to sell the animals but she said internet and phone are luxuries and eventually the animals will pay off. what? that is the biggest load of poo i have ever heard. i guess the goat pulling the cord proved that everyone could live without the internet. the phone hadn't worked for months anyway even though they pay the bill. my human wouldn't have anyone come out to fix it because she is a freak of nature and doesn't like to be around people. she says it upsets her life balance out here when people come out. my human is a nut job.

her goat ginger had been pregnant, human thought so, everyone else said she was just fat, and then the goat miscarried triplets while she was away getting bred. see, house of death!

the humans got new neighbors and they said the goats can use their fields to graze in. my human is ecstatic about this since when they asked the guy they bought the place from how much another acre would be he told them 10 grand!! my human kept her mouth shut for a change cause the old man doesn't like women but she nearly passed out when she heard him say it.

my human no longer likes the post office. she had to sell her incubator cause they needed money and the darn thing never arrived to it's destination. now the people think she scammed them and she doesn't have the money to refund them. she is never shipping anything again. some postal worker is probably sitting at home with the thing full of eggs. guess she should have gotten the insurance and a tracking number. lesson learned but she said she is still never shipping anything again.

so i guess that's everything. i'll try to cram in as much as i can before i have to go for awhile. hate to disappoint my fans. maybe if i start laying eggs or lactating i can sell tickets and raise some money. then i could get some fancy clothes. nothing better than a well dressed mountain goat. the ladies love it. really they do.

gerald the well dressed goat


jeery said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Memories of Eric and Flynn said...

Hi Gerald
We don't think there is much chance of you laying eggs or lactating, so maybe you could flatten your ears down instead. She may never notice. We had a neighbour some years back who had a goat. He would walk to the bus stop in the village about half a mile away and get on the bus. Then he wouldn't let anyone else get on, and he wouldn't let the driver get him off, so the driver had to go to the farm and get the old lady he belonged to, to come and get him off the bus.He liked walking over cars too so he wasn't very popular.
That's bad news that your human is getting rid of her internet. We'll miss talking to you Gerald. We hope everything comes right for her.
Give our love to Penelope, and we hope you don't have to go for good.
Purrs to you and yours from your friends Eric and Flynn.

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