Christmas Card For Me

got me first christmas card today! my good pals at http://twodevoncats.blogspot.com sent it to me. i dont think ill be receiving any others though cause im a baaa'd goat. i'm so happy they thought of me!

gerald the christmas card getting goat

A Shearing We Will Go

this happened over the summer when my human was house sitting where her goats live temporarily. the owner of the place has this here sheep. its a jacob sheep named jacob. real origional i know. so the sheep is as wild as a pig caught in hot wire but she did manage to catch it. problem is she didn't know how to tie it up in a way to keep its head up. so they wrapped its horns to the milk stand. i was laughing so hard. poor guy. he isn't being hurt at all but it looks awful.

i would like to note that the human has never sheared anything except her legs. so anyway she proceeded to cut off mr. jacobs wool with a pair of scissors, fiskars to be exact. strange practices these humans have and i am grateful i don't have wool. he did pretty good but the human cut his testicle sac and felt pretty awful about it.

above is the finished product.. looks like a whole new sheep! luckily claire at whispering acres helped the human with this project.

gerald the anti shearing goat

The Humans Counterfeit CHI Flatiron Dilema

my human has a situation going on. it involves a CHI flat iron she bought at helmarts (wal mart) smartstyle. it did what it was supposed to do but she decided she didn't like her hair that straight and got a round brush. she then decided to sell the pricey flat iron on ebay. imagine her shock when farouk the chi makers had her auction pulled for counterfiet!!! she fought with them awhile about how it isn't a fake. then she fought with smartstyle and regis who will not refund her money cause its been longer than thirty days(she got it in july of this year). the human thinks in the case of being sold counterfeit trash the return policy shouldn't matter. farouk threatened legal action if she tries to sell the iron but does not care that smartstyle/regis is selling counterfeit irons. does that make any sense? the human also talked to the better business bureau who called it a return policy dispute. huh? so basically its okay for businesses to sell counterfeit products but not for private citizens. the human is very cranky cause she is out $100.

gerald the authentic majestic goat

Snowys Kitten

awhile back snowy had some kids. the human kept the one that looked like her. sounds a little prejudice to me. the others were striped and black. i think the human has something against stripes. anyway this kitten is named zebra cake. i know, i know. origionally one of the human kids named it angel cake then changed it to something else like melody. that didn't work out either. so one night the humans owner called it zebra cake and that just stuck. poor thing. she's nice enough at least, despite how cranky she looks in the picture. i think she had just woke up.

here she is sleeping with her mum. while i may sound like a softy, i happen to think this picture is cute. yes i said cute. shhh!! tell no one i had a weak moment!!

gerald the sometimes sentimental goat

Fiber, A Wooly Epidemic

first the human wanted to spin wool. then for some reason she wanted to try needle felting. now there is fiber showing up here almost daily it seems. first off she ordered colored fiber. then she learned how to take care of raw fiber. discovering this saves her money she buys it raw. this is where things went wrong. she likes, no she loves, this stuff in its natural state. she says you can't reproduce this beauty. so now there is all this raw wool around the place. i can't take two steps without running into a box or baggie of this stuff. now im all for hobbies but collecting animal hair is a bit weird. next it will be human hair, then human parts. i really don't know what to do about her. she needle felted a SHEEP on a t-shirt!!! she said she didn't do a goat cause it was a test thing and sheep are quick. like i believe that. she hasn't felted any goats but there are little sheep bodies in her "fiber tub", oh and a cat. a tuxedo cat in fact. she has spent over a month working on it. craziness. so i think im going to create FLA, Fiber Lovers Annonymous. surely there are others out there living with these oddities.

gerald the fiber free goat

oh i almost forgot, this is all claires fault. she lives at whispering acres but i don't think there is much whispering going on or my human would not have all this fluff everywhere!!

Arse Words

when out with my human i sometimes still see this dreadful style and it got me thinking about the problem the pants can cause. see, as a male when i see a girl wearing these hideous things i get nasty looks from people around me and the girl cause well, im looking at her arse. now you can't tell me that when she picked them out she didn't realize that she has a word on her arse. what do we do with words? we read them, even if they are on your arse, can't help it, my brain wants to read. reading makes me a pervert apparently. sure okay. im more concerned about the person that needs their arse read by all. i especially worry when the pants say" juicy". if you have a juicy arse you might wanna seek out your medicine chest. gross. so see i don't find you appealing when i read your arse. i think i find it scary especially on five year olds. mom, dad, do you really want everyone in town looking at your little girls arse???? just wondering. i'm not even gonna talk about the 300lb and over people wearing their "juicy" pants. so thats my thoughts today. arse words.

gerald the arse reading goat

(but its not because i like you)

Never Fails

every time i say i am back something happens. the cord for the laptop gets broken, the human goes crazy, or in this case the cord got broken again. so i am on an ancient machine that is running windows 2000. the monitor is the old type, a square tatung. i could complain but i won't because at least i can do this. i can't watch movies on netflix but i can check mail and blog.


gerald the majestic 2000 goat

Silly Goats

my human went out to her friends last weekend to visit her goats and milk some manchas. when she arrived all the kids had gotten out and were running everywhere. this guy had apparently been looking for a snack. its alot funnier when they get the pumpkin buckets on their head cause then it is like the headless goatman.

gerald the majestic goat

Good To Be Back

yes folks, it's true, i have finally returned. see the human went completely loco cause the doc gave her some pill that is supposed to help pain. alls it did was help her cry and yell alot. she was like that for two months until she finally cracked. you should have been there. it was so funny. ah but anyway this is about me, not the mental patient. you can see from the picture above that my stunt double finally arrived. boy he sure is handsome and of the best quality. i've been having him do all sorts of exciting things to perk this blog up and i can't wait to show you all. i did have to get rid of the other stunt double. he had an accident in the kitchen. guess he fell and snapped his neck. oops. well those things happen. i will now go but don't worry im here for awhile again. i do need to catch up on all of my great friends that i have missed so very much. good to see you.

gerald the "back in black" goat

Where Am I??

i'm sure you all have been wondering where my majestic self has been. i've taken on nursing apparently. the humans have been non stop sick for two months. not just one or two of them either. all seven of them. so i have to take care of them. im not even getting paid!! my human has helped a little when she can but she's pretty useless to be quite honest. she did make it to the goat farm a couple times to see her kids of the season. ill post some pictures soon cause they are beautiful. lots of blue eyes this year. i guess thats a big deal. i don't really think so though. i think they look a little creeeeepy. horror show goats. okay well i have to go make tea for the humans throat. i hope you all are well and ill be back soon, i hope.

gerald the nurse goat

Im Back!

i was kidnapped by franks cousin. apparently he had a problem with frank and his herd living with goats. perseus and snowy found me locked in a feed closet of an abandoned barn. franks cousin is a jerk. franks cousin is dead. perseus killed him and ate him. so im recovering at home and the human is being very nice to me again. i did eat her laptop cord and she is a little urked since it will be the fourth one in under a year she has had to replace. good to be home and i will catch up with all of you as time allows.

gerald the rescued goat

Kidnapped!

we think geralds been kidnapped. we thought, at first, that he had needed a break from all the sheep here but he would have called. perseus heard from some of the cats outside that there is talk of a tied up goat in a basement somewhere. we have put out search teams and hope to turn up something soon. i just hope it isn't too late.

snowy the beautiful

Gerald is Missing

snowy here. we can't find gerald. pereus has been outside talking to the other dogs. there are lots of crazy stories but none have produced gerald. we won't give up though. i have managed to keep that bossy frank busy with errands for the human. her daughter was just diagnosed with tourettes(she isn't one-hundred percent convinced) so things have been pretty nuts around here. it was easy to fool frank into believing the human needed him. so for the time being i have taken back control and we will find gerald.

snowy the beautiful

Stuffing Does Wonders

BEFORE

AFTER

isn't she just lovely. see what great things you can find at a thift store. i seriously think this cost the human about twenty-five cents, maybe not even that much. she wanted to make some more but can't find any patterns online. i think she is just using the wrong words. she said something about having to take it apart so she can make a pattern. i don't think that is a good idea. on the downside she spent three bucks on the stuffing and it took the whole bag! she said it's still a great deal. plus it is a sheep and can you put a price on a sheep? the human says you can. craziness, i say.

frank the "i stole the blog from gerald" sheep

More Sheep! Yeah!

frank here. yes, that's right, it's me, frank. gerald is neglecting his blog so i figure i can run it better. i took the human shopping yesterday to a thrift store because i had a feeling we would find something very special. boy, i couldn't have been more right. she found three sheep.

the best find was the #44 serta sheep. the human has apparently been wanting one for some time. thanks to me, she has it! i'd like to see gerald top that! the smaller lamb baa's.

now this here is neat because she just needs to add stuffing and sew it closed

so i had a splendid day shopping for sheep with the human.

frank the fun sheep

Updates, Boring Updates

well the human has been feeling bad so i have been helping her, aka being her slave. perseus and snowy are working on some sort of peace treaty with those naughty sheep. the human is thinking of starting her own blog to document her path with the docs and her experiences with the medicines she's been trying. i told her not to cause it would take up my computer time but she thinks it would be helpful to people going through what she is. i assured her there are others doing it and she shouldn't bother. yeah i know, i'm a big mean goat, but she hogs the computer as it is. i added a picture of simon since he is not dead yet. i guess that is everything. things have been pretty uneventful around here which can only mean something is on the horizon. guess i better watch my back!

gerald the bored goat

A Murder

yep that is what it says. mark is dead. poor thing. lucy-fur the evil dog got in the bedroom and assaulted him. no dogs in the bedroom is the rule but someone left the door open and lucy got him!! human is very sad. her owner brought her home a new bunny to cheer her up. funny thing is it was actually the one she wanted first. her owner got lucky and its a boy. not so lucky is that at the store the rabbit told her owner that his name is simon!!! simon is white with silver on the ends of his hair, his ears are silver as is his nose. she's gonna try to take a pic of him but doesn't think the camera will capture his beauty. the human thinks her owner had fun picking out a rabbit cause apparently some of the other rabbits told him their name. so i wonder if he was standing there talking to them. my human has a friend whose husband doesn't really like goats but she caught him in the goat pen holding two kids on his lap!! i bet my humans owner was picking them up and cuddling them. i should ask the store for the security footage to see what exactly went on.

gerald the majestic goat

Easter Ain't All Sheepy

for the time being the human has focused her attention on a different animal. i hate to say this but her mystery illness was actually a blessing, for me anyway. the humans knees and hips have been hurting her bad for the last week. apparently she is having trouble with the stairs so she decided to get a cane to help her out. she looked at hel-mart but didn't care for the metal clanky things. then she remembered seeing wooden canes at the farm store.

this is where things get real good(this is how i heard her tell her owner). so she drove over there with about ten minutes to spare before they close. as she was approaching the doors she sees a little sign that reads, "we have bunnies". the automatic doors slide open and the a great magnetic force pulls her straight in, down the aisle towards the bunny troughs. the whole time she was being pulled she was thinking, "i am so dead". why would bunnies in troughs make her dead? lets keep reading to find out. once at the troughs the human squeals in excitement at all the bunny colors and cuteness. her heart begins to race and she starts to sex them in search of a buck. i know that sounds really creepy but i assure you it isn't. so anyway, at no point did she ever stop and think "i want a rabbit". she just found a buck and tossed it in a box like a brainwashed robot. now that is creepy. she then grabbed a cane, paid, and left. it wasn't until she got in the van and started it that she said "oh dear me, what have i done?". actually she used some more colorful words but i like to make her sound sweet sometimes.

so now she has a box with a bunny in it and a cane. one of these things just doesn't belong. she starts to panic as she is driving back to hel-mart to finish her shopping. her thoughts went like this, "what am i going to do with this bunny?", "'owner' is gonna kill me", "i don't have a cage for him", "i am so dead", "calm down, you can explain this to him", her thoughts went on until she finally created a story for the owner so he wouldn't be too mad. she called the owner on her phone from hel-mart and asked about food, then slowly and quietly, told him the story of how she came to have a rabbit in her van. he wasn't happy but he wasn't gonna kill her. with that out of the way she got a small water bottle for him and decided he could live in the box till she constructed something better. apparently she told the owner that he would be a fine buck(yeah in like 4-6 mos.) for the three does they have and that he should be lop so they can carry that gene on in the babies. oh that poor fool. do to him trying to be as uninvolved in the animals as possible, she gets stuff by him all the time. bottom line is, she wanted the bunny cause they are cute. even as adults the human thinks they are cute. she only got a buck because she knew that was the only way to get off easy. i can just hear her, "well honey, he can breed with them and that will start off a new herd for us". i shouldn't be too hard on her i guess. the rabbits, perseus, and snowy are the only animals she has with her till the court mess is over and they get a new home. the owner said baby boy bunny said his name is mark. the owner says the animals tell him their names. weird man. so this is mark. yep, mark the bunny.

gerald the "i'm so glad it ain't a sheep" goat

Sheep, Sheep,Sheep, Sheep, Sheep!!

i think the sheep have been doing brain experiments on my human. all i ever hear her talk about is sheep lately. oh and don't forget, "the cute wittle lambie poos". miss claire hasn't helped things. sorry dear, but that place where the lady made little lamb coats for those lambs, well my human didn't need to see that. all day yesterday was sheep and lamb talk. she even made her owner look at the lambs in their coats. oh and don't forget the black lamb. she just loved that lamb. WHAT ABOUT KIDS AND GOATS? i've never heard about sheep having personality or getting out of every latched goat ever invented. and with easter coming i heard her tell the owner that she wants a white stuffed lamb and a black one. she already has a big stuffed lamb from tractor supply that he got her for christmas. she doesn't need any more. what she needs is a big life sized stuffed me!! wait, that might mean i died. scratch that. why aren't there easter goats. people eat us at easter too!! but no the shelves will be lined with dumb stuffed sheep that my human will beg for and her owner will get her because he gives her anything she wants if he can. maybe i need to have a man to man talk with him. this sheep business must stop!!

gerald the tired of sheep goat

Goat Lies

with the herd of sheep came a show called shaun the sheep. he's from wallace and grommit, a close shave. i like wallace and grommit and i sort of like shaun the sheep. the human loves it of course. the other day i walked in the room and there was a goat on one of the old episodes. i thought , oh good, finally. HOW WRONG I WAS!! the goat ate everything. it ate a tire, a brick, yes i said a BRICK and it drank out of a toilet!!!! what the hell?! the human was laughing, alot, too much in fact. all the sheep were laughing too. i explained to them that all of that was rubbish! oh i forgot, he ate a bike horn too. do people really believe that goats can eat bricks, metal and tires? wankers! all of them. if that wasn't enough the boy was watching a malcom in the middle rerun. they were at the zoo and reese ticked off a nubian. the nubian followed him all over the zoo then attacked him. what?! that is such crap! everyone knows nubians are too dumb to do any of that! so for the last time......GOATS DO NOT AND WILL NOT EAT ANYTHING!!

gerald the rather finicky goat

Tea Time

i decided to do something nice for the human. she has felt really awful this week, more so than usual anyway. so i made her some mint tea(her favorite) and gave her some cookies. she wasn't all that interested in the cookies cause she doesn't eat much but really liked the tea. see, i can be a very caring goat. plus the sheep weren't in the kitchen so i was able to get in there.

gerald the very caring goat

Where Was That Dog?

i must have been very tired last night. i was dreaming of having a sheep cook off. i was winning with all my delicious sheep entrees and then a giant sheep showed up with a goat to cook. i woke up startled and found myself on a plate. was i still dreaming?

i just want to know one thing, where was that dog?

gerald the edible goat

All Is Quiet Soooooo.........

we will look at a goat. this is alice the mini-mancha. she was the second baby ever born for the humans. her mama has blue eyes but she did not get them. she is one of the favorites i hear cause she was both dam raised and bottle raised so she is super nice. big deal, she doesn't have real ears like me. i threw a fit when the earless wonders showed up. i was so horrified i wouldn't even go near them. i still keep my distance and try not to make eye contact for fear of saying something i'd get in trouble for. so anyway this is alice, she is a year old this month, and the human says she is pretty. huh? oh well.

this picture is old, this is not her at a year old.

gerald the goat with ears

Sheep Love

ugh i think i am gonna be sick. there was a lot of this going on around here with the sheep. i don't think would i have cared so much except that they kept using "ewe" instead of "you". luckily the humans don't really do too much on v-day. one year she got two goats but i think that's the only time she got anything. lucky for me rut is over so i don't owe anybody anything. yep, that's me the bachelor. boy do i save money. can you just imagine if i had to get something for every doe. i would be in the poor house. heck there wouldn't even be a house!

gerald the single goat

herb (thats my stunt doubles name incase i hadn't told you) tried to make a goat snow angel but it didn't go well. see, herb there is still wearing that scarf. herb is a dwork.

gerald the anti scarf wearing goat

Darn Humans

sorry for being away, i will now continue with the sheep horror of pies and such. i guess they were just making a pecan pie. why? why would nine sheep move in here to make a pecan pie? i did not eat the pie. the human said it was very good. i guess it wasn't poisoned or the poison they used doesn't hurt humans. im not sure whats going on but i hope to find something out soon.

my human decided to get a migraine (maybe it was the pie), then a spinal injection for pain (which has only given her a headache and back pain so far) and then she went to an infectious disease doctor for no reason so that is why i haven't been on. unfortunately she hasn't given me access passwords but i am in the process of hacking so next time she decides to be ill and such i can continue my work. i will catch up with all of you soon.

gerald the hacking goat

Hmm, Could it Be Pie?

i think it may be some sort of poison pie. i saw this one rolling out the dough into a circle shape. i believe he is probably coated in arsenic. i must say it was a little funny watching him roll. but i still believe they are evil. perseus is going over some plans and snowy is fluffing her fur for what im hoping will be a battle to end the sheep problem.

gerald the plotting goat

The Cooking Continued

well the little punks continued there little project despite my protests. im still conjuring up a plan to get rid of the vermin.

i think they are making poison biscuits.

gerald the confused goat

OH NO!!! Don't Say Mint Sauce to Sheep!!!

ahhhh!! so, i tried getting the sheep to go away by saying mint sauce, and they attacked!!!

see, i knew these sheep were up to no good. i am quickly losing control of this situation. once my head stops hurting i am going to do something. i really am this time. i've been flapping my gums and doing nothing like a politician. no more!!

gerald the motivated head hurts goat

Oh Come On! Really?

i don't know what these sheep are up to but it looks like cooking. i sealed up the window so no more can come in but that doesn't change the fact that there are sheep in the kitchen doing something.

this really can't be good.

gerald the confused goat

We got this award at Eric and Flynns. They were supposed to pick 10 bloggers who brighten their day but couldn't just pick ten so said if we were a regular we could add it to our page. So thank you guys!:

1. Copy and paste award to your page.
2. List 10 things that make you happy and try to do one today.
3. Tag 10 bloggers who brighten your day.

1. other beautiful goats like myself
2. really good hay
3. cookies, i love cookies (gingerbread are my favorites)
4. carrots
5. jumping on stuff
6. meeting new girl goats
7. blogging
8. my friends on here
9.my human when she is nice and not moving in sheep
10. finding a really great tree to scratch myself on

i don't know ten bloggers and don't know how to tag. in fact i can't do much of anything cool with my blog cause i never figured out how or don't understand . oh well, i am just a goat, a majestic goat, not a computer tech goat.

Night Guard

as a livestock guardian dog i am the best in the business. i don't have goats to watch as they are staying at a friends but i have people to watch. gerald came to me about the sheep problem wondering how i didn't know they were breaking in. i had no answer for him but said i would keep an eye out. i set up motion sensor cameras. it's a good thing i did cause lastnight was the biggest break in of sheep ever. here is what i caught lastnight.

this sheep apparently got stuck but they got him out. i've never seen anything like this before.

so i will be reporting this to gerald and let him handle the rest. they were very quiet. i hear everything but them. i hope i don't lose my job over this breech of security. i'm not even a year old so maybe they will go easy on me.

perseus the mighty

Beautiful Snowy

i thought you could use a break from sheep and that lunatic goat so im going to tell you about how fabulous i am. first lets look at me.

first notice that the human has not taken care of the "good camera problem". second notice all my lovely points. third would be my beautiful blue eyes but the good camera is not working. gerald is jealous of how lovely i am and so is perseus. im the only animal here with blue eyes. that alone makes me...um... shall we say... majestic! see he isn't the only majestic animal. plus he isn't majestic. he is a goof. so let me show you how cute i look when i roll around on the floor.

im trying to kill the evil brown dog lucy. she won't leave me alone. everytime i come in she jumps on me and wants to play. that gets my fur wet and ugly so i bite her and jump on her. she is dumb also as she won't stop trying to play. oh well im not afraid of dogs. i chased the neighbors dog the other day. it ran up on the porch it was so scared! so back to my beauty. i am very soft and the human loves to pet me. even the humans owner loves me and he isn't that into animals. my human feeds me very well. i do miss the goat milk she used to give me though. i am good at getting rid of mice. i've gotten three here and now the humans love me even more. yes i am fabulous. i am pleased to finally get to address all of you. if you love me send me temptations and catnip.

snowy the most majestic animal

just a note: a four year old named me when i was born. i was all white so i figure she didn't know i would not look like snow later on.

HOW Are They Getting In?!

this is madness! how are they getting in? looks like they watched wallace and grommit(which i love) "a close shave" or they are from the circus. i do not understand why they keep coming. my human says they are very entertaining. sure they aren't. i tried to convince them that only frank can be here but they just don't listen. they don't really say anything either. silent means dangerous, or really dumb. i'll be sleeping with one eye open, thats for sure. the newest evil member is named joe. where do they get these names? i think i will rename them. flopsy, mopsy and dopey might work. i don't know. i think you aren't supposed to name them cause then you get attached. well i wouldn't but my human would. i can just see her cuddling one of them. ugh im gonna be sick.

gerald the sheep investigating goat

post script: did you notice that herb(thats what she named my stunt double) has a scarf. she made it for him. i don't have a scarf.

Just When You Think It Can't Get Worse....

oh, heck no!! franky lanky has a friend. the friend showed up this morning. his name is carl. seriously? carl? i told the human about carl thinking he could live here with frank and she said, "the more the merrier". carl brought frank his hat. i didn't know sheep wear hats. i guess they do. i have got to get control of this situation. this can not go on. we can't have sheep running amuck (did i spell that right?). i guess ill need one of those shepherd things with the hook so i can grab them by the neck without touching them. if they are staying here they are gonna need a fence to keep them in one place. control is the key here i believe. they need to learn who is boss and that is me, the great majestic goat. OBEY ME!!

gerald the head goat

OH NO!!!

SHE GOT ME A FRIEND!!!!!!! i believe eric and flynn may be right. all the accidents my human has had have indeed affected her brain! so she comes home from the store the other night all sorts of excited. cool, she brought me something neat home. oh yes she did, but it is not neat! it is not cool!! it is named frank!!! it is a, a, a, i can't even say it. so, i'll just show you.

the horror! the shame!! HOW DARE SHE!!! look at him, he is hideous. he is a sheep. A SHEEP!!! she says im to be nice to him. oh sure, ill be really nice to FRANK!! what kind of name is that for a sheep? do you even name sheep? yes probably since they are too dumb to name themselves. i must get rid of him! oh, did i mention frank stinks? he smells like, oh i don't know, plastic!! i think i might pack up and move to iowa!! below i am telling him where to go. i won't repeat all i said but he did not get the point cause he is still here.

so my life is ruined but only for awhile. this frank fellow is going to leave. i don't know how or when, but he is not staying here!!

gerald the anti-sheep goat

What Is This???

my human is so cheap. rather than ordering me a new stunt double that actually looks like me she is using this dworky looking dog toy goat. IT EVEN SQUEAKS!!! im going to have to take this into my own hands and order the goat myself. this will not be good for my reputation. not at all.

gerald the not dworky goat

Snowys Photo Has Arrived

yes the lazy human finally did it. snowy does not like having her photo taken so it took the human about ten minutes to get anything even close to presentable. sadly this picture does not capture her blue eyes or her beautiful points. oh well im going to tell her that our job as beautiful animals is to be seen and admired. i mean when you window shop you don't want to see just the sleeve of the shirt, you want the whole shirt. we want the whole cat! so anyway, she will be speaking on here sometime soon so she can tell everyone about her. i put in a good word for those lovely cats, eric and flynn, so she is looking forward to meeting them.

gerald the motivational goat

Tattoos and My Growing Popularity

as fabulous as the tattoo is, and as fabulous as a gesture it was. i have no plans of putting her anywhere on my gorgeous hide. she of course understands that i must remain flawless. i have heard that a couple of people are wimps and would not get a tattoo. i personally think that all humans should permanently inscribe a portrait of me or some other beautiful animal on their flesh. the human said it does hurt but after awhile you don't care. so see whats holding you back? a couple of fabulous felines on your arms or any animal you love is a great thing to put on your flesh. you humans don't think twice about branding us,tagging us, or tattooing us so it is only right that you experience it too. let us mark you for the world to know who you belong to.

next piece of business is my growing popularity. okay i know im not real popular right now but claire from whispering acres(her link is on the page) mentioned me a few times in a post. so i figure with all the readers she has they will be curious as to who this great majestic goat is she speaks of. then they will come running here and be mesmerized by my majestic charm.

gerald the majestically charming goat

What is This?

could it be she still does love me best? i saw this on her. she hadn't told me, she said it was a surprise. what a splendid suprise indeed. the photo quality isn't great cause the nice camera has a problem but you get the idea. she said the tattoo man had never been asked for a goat before. i find that odd. oh well leave it to my human. oh don't tell her i said this but i think she is having her midlife crisis. she has never had any interest in a tattoo before so its got to be that.

gerald the fabulously majestic goat

Spindle???

what is a spindle and why did my human get one? it's probably some torture device for use on goats. i saw her looking at alot of strange things online. im worried. then yesterday i heard her say, "i feel an urgency in the air, something is coming, i can feel it". what the heck does that mean? what's coming? i think she has gone off the deep end. maybe she got some bad feed? hmm maybe i should take a closer look at the pills the doctor gave her. one of them might be affecting her ability to think straight. maybe a good whack over the head will fix this. i think i mentioned that the other day. i could head butt her, thats how goats solve things.

gerald the curious goat

Troubles Brewing

this could be the end. my human brought home a sheep magazine!!!!!!!! why i ask, why? she said she's just looking. thats what she said about the rabbit book and poultry book. she doesn't need sheep. she doesn't need wool. she can't knit anything but squares and rectangles. i think i have fifty scarves!! see once she gets an idea it becomes a purchase. thankfully right now she can't have anything cause we live in a shoebox. but oh dear if they ever get out of here she will act. this must be stopped. i must be the most majestic thing here. not that im worried about some dumb sheep but ive heard her ooh and ahh over those darn lambs. oh no, i just remembered, her owner got her a big stuffed sheep from tsc(tractor supply company) for christmas. that was a sign, i just know it!! there are fiber goats but she said they aren't colored enough. i hardly call brown, tan, black and white colors. sounds more like a chunk of dirt to me with a little tar and paper mixed in. i must do something about this, but what?

gerald the endangered majestic goat

This Had Better Be a Joke

one of the humans few friends sent this to her. i really hope its a joke cause im gonna sue for slander. i have never attacked a teletubby. i would have hired a sniper to take it out. so anyway whoever made this is giving us goats a baaad reputation. i have never dropped out of a tree onto a human, ever. so tell me what you think my many friends. i am very concerned about this.

http://goat-trauma.org

gerald the sniper hiring goat

Some of my Friends

here are some of my friends that are staying at the humans friends place. it's been very hard on the human cause she loves her goats alot. she said life is so weird without them just outside everyday. she has found a few houses they are interested in so maybe just maybe something will happen so that she can move back in the country and get back to life the way she loves it.

from left to right: gidget(nigerian/boer, vera(lamancha), and rose(mini mancha)

gerald the country loving goat

Snowy Cat is in Big Trouble

last night the humans owner brought her a dozen of roses. the human doesn't get flowers often so she was really excited. she put them in a vase on the counter top. they sat looking pretty for the evening. during the sleeping time someone chewed on petals and broke two roses in half. i examined the chew marks and snowy is the only one who could have done it. the human is really upset. everytime she gets something one of us(well not me) destroys it. the humans owner got her a big stuffed sheep and one of the dogs puked on it. i could go on and on but i won't. poor human though.

gerald the sympathetic goat

Perseus Speaks

im talking over for gerald today. he is so weak from lack of cookies he went to bed. i think he is pouting. i ate his cookies but don't tell him. he acts as if he is so special but im the favorite. he's been stomping around demanding cookies. i have a cookie stash he doesn't know about. the human is very kind to all of us. gerald put on some pounds which is why he doesn't get any cookies. i bet he left that part out. goats. anyway i'm supposed to guard the goats. human says i am a pleasure to have around. i'v never heard her say that about gerald. right now the only thing i guard is the cat, snowy, and the humans. im pretty quiet and don't jump up on people which makes my human very happy. she always gets me pig ears and cow ears to chew on to let me know how much she loves me. she scratches me alot too just to let me know how much she likes me. i have a great life here. can't wait to do my real job.

perseus the might

Human at Doctors Again

human went to the doctor again. he wanted to see if she was better. thankfully she was but not in the pain area. so finally, after seven years, she got a referral to pain management. i hope this means she will start taking better care of me. my hooves still need trimmed and i haven't had a cookie in i don't know how long. i need my cookies!!

gerald the neglected goat

More Pain For the Human

im starting to feel bad for her. the other night the evil one year old hit her in the head with the broom handle. she never saw it coming. lastnight the evil one flopped down on her and hit his head on hers hard. miraculously he managed to hit her in exactly the same spot the the broom hit her. again she was completely unprepared. she said her head hurt and i think she has a knot on her head. she also burnt her finger in the stove. guess im gonna have to step up protection duty or she is gonna be dead by the end of the week.

gerald the protective goat

More to Tell

okay we read the shower story which was great. i now have proof that the human is stupid. today she is supposed to be going to see her goats. her friend said they have piglets and not to touch them cause the mom will kill the human. its just a pot bellied pig, how much damage can that little thing do? well as soon as she was told not to touch she has an uncontrolled desire to touch those piglets. she told her friend this. her friend does not care if the pig kills her cause she's hoping for pictures or videos of the whole thing. i like this friend. she has goats and wants the human dead. sounds like the perfect friend to me!

gerald the murderous goat

Humans Clumsiness(aka stupidity) Strikes Again

yes it is true. not hard to believe though. humans just lack the grace and intelligence of animals. so the human left the old year with an accident and had another one for the new year. it was a shower thing. she swears the shower is slippery. so she slipped and fell. it's okay to laugh, i do everytime i think about it. when she fell she did what most humans do, tried to grab something to stop the falling. yes, yes, she grab the shower curtain which also brought the rod down on her face. oh i am dieing, this is so funny. so there she is covered in the shower cutain, huddled in a heap on the shower floor. i don't know how the humans owner keeps a straight face during her attention getting schemes. see i would have taken the opportunity to raid the fridge or something. not the humans owner. no, he is nice and helps her. he could have raided the fridge with me. oh well his loss. i guess she hurt her hip too. lovely, so now she is gonna dramatically limp about in hopes of getting treats im sure. i think she should be culled. if she were an animal and acted like that she would be culled for the preservasion of the herd. its just unbelievable the favors given to humans.

gerald the graceful goat